Celebrity Dead Pool News for the Ghoulish and Depraved


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Der Kommissar has 756 articles published.

11th Gets Deep-Sixed

in Hits & Misses by
“Don’t judge a book by its cover.
I’m really a deeply caring and affectionate
person once you get to know me.
Now smile and nod that you understand
before I have you killed.”

Henry Silva
Actor, Sicilian, sweetheart.
Sept 23, 1926 – Sept 14, 2022
Aged 95 years.

Most recognized for: With a chiseled face and a gaze that could make medusa blush, Henry was practically born to play the bad guy. Mobster, hitman, vigilante, cartel kingpin, rogue CIA operative… his acting resume read like an Interpol most wanted list. He was also the last surviving member of Danny Ocean’s first 11… which if you saw the original, you’d agree was a real piece of dog sh!t propped up only by the Rat Pack’s star power. You can publicly admit these things now that all those greaseballs are in the ground.

Send in the Crowns

in Hits & Misses by
“Yes, operator?
I’m inquiring about a tune I’ve
heard sung ’round the palace lately.
I believe it’s called ‘Charles in Charge’.
I was told that I could get it on my phone.
Operator? Hello??”

Queen Elizabeth II
Monarch, matriarch, jubilee junkie.
April 21, 1926 – September 8, 2022
Aged 96 years.

Most recognized for: Well.. God could only save the Queen for so long. And now, just a few months after celebrating 70 years on the throne, she’ll get the royal send-off… where the filthy London streets are lined with blubbering peasants… bawling over the loss of that rich, snooty old lady they never met… who lived in that huge house that they all paid for with tax money that could have been better spent on some dental work… or at least paid somebody to clean up all the goddamned cigarette butts.

Selected by: Zombie Possum, Dead to Me, Goble, Schlitz, & J-Ro

Finger-Lickin’ Good

in Hits & Misses by
“There’s no point in crying about it now.
Over the past 15 years, I’ve invited every one of you
into my dressing room for a quick prostate exam.
But NOOOO!!!”

Bill Turnbull
Media personality, morning person, limey.
January 25, 1956 – August 31, 2022.
Aged 66 years.

Most recognized for: As the “BBC Breakfast” morning-show guy, Mr. Turnbull – with his female sidekick du jour – served up fluffy headlines with a side of sports & weather. Then came game show hosting… and celebrity game show appearances. Upon the debut of his 10-part series on “living well” in your autumn years, it was discovered that Bill wasn’t living so well. So get your prostate checked, fellas. And ladies… c’mon. Lend a hand.

Selected by: MPoweleit1, Pille, BGG

Russian to Judgement

in Hits & Misses by
“Korea, okay? It’s a map of Korea. This is exactly
why bars located next door to tattoo parlors
are a bad idea. Especially in Pyongyang.
Can we move on now?”

Mikhail Gorbachev
Ex-head of State, Nobel laureate, Commie.
March 2, 1931 – August 30, 2022.
Aged 91 years.

Most recognized for: Alma-Ata Protocol, glasnost, dry laws, Chernobyl, perestroika, Reagan and the Berlin Wall. No… it’s not a missing verse from “We Didn’t Start the Fire”… it’s just a brusque summary of Mik’s days as HRIC of the USSR. His tenure marked the end of the Cold War, Marxist-Leninism, the looming threat of global thermonuclear war, and a McDonalds-free Moscow. But slowly, like everything else from the 80’s, it’s all making a comeback.

The Short List – Aug ’22

in Hits & Misses/News & Updates by

Each month, we list the unselected dead celebs we either didn’t have time to report on… or who were just too boring to malign. So in case you were wondering “whatever happened to,” this monthly post may give you some unexpected closure.

August 1, 2022
  • Rosa de Castilla – Aged 90 years. Singer/actress from the golden age of Mexican cinema. A re-fried Julie Andrews, if you will.
August 2, 2022
  • Melissa Bank – Aged 61 years. American author who wrote “The Girls’ Guide to Hunting & Fishing.”
August 3, 2022
  • Jackie Walorski – Aged 58 years. Indiana congresswoman.
  • Nicky Moore – Aged 75 years. Samson’s singer after Bruce Dickinson left for Iron Maiden.
  • Jack Deloplaine – Aged 68 years. RB for the Steelers in Super Bowls 13 & 14.
  • Raymond Damadian – Aged 86 years. Inventor of MRI technology.
August 4, 2022
  • Sam Gooden – Aged 87 years. Rock & Roll HOF’er who sang with The Impressions.
  • Albert Woodfox – Aged 75 years. Member of The Angola Three who served the longest period of solitary confinement in American prison history (40 years.)
August 5, 2022
  • Clu Gulager – Aged 93 years. TV western actor who found a 2nd career in sh!tty horror films.
August 6, 2022
  • David Muse – Aged 73 years. Gold & platinum album-winning singer, songwriter, composer, and multi-instrumentalist.
  • Buddy Leach – Aged 88 years. Louisiana Congressman & Chairman of the Louisiana Democratic Party.
August 7, 2022
  • Roger E. Mosley – Aged 83 years. Actor who played the black helicopter pilot on “Magnum, P.I.”
  • David McCullough – Aged 89 years. 2X Pulitzer Prize-winning historian and Presidential Medal of Freedom recipient.
  • Bert Fields – Aged 93 years. Notorious entertainment lawyer and author.
  • Ezekiel Alebua – Aged 75 years. 3rd Prime Minister of the Solomon Islands.
August 8, 2022
  • Lamont Dozier – Aged 81 years. American Hall of Fame songwriter who co-wrote and produced 14 US Billboard number-one hits.
August 9, 2022
  • Raymond Briggs – Aged 88 years. British children’s writer and illustrator who created “The Snowman.”
August 10, 2022
  • Sir Ralph Halpern – Aged 83 years. British fashion retailer and tabloid scoundrel.
August 11, 2022
  • Manuel Ojeda – Aged 81 years. Mexican actor who played the villain Zolo in “Romancing the Stone.”
  • Darius Campbell Danesh – Aged 41 years. Scottish singer/songwriter.
August 12, 2022
  • Wolfgang Petersen – Aged 81 years. German filmmaker who directed “Das Boot,” “The Neverending Story,” “The Perfect Storm,” & more.
August 13, 2022
  • Robyn Griggs – Aged 49 years. Child actor turned soap actor turned John Wayne Bobbit hangaround.
  • Denise Dowse – Aged 64 years. Film & TV actress noted for playing the Vice Principal on “Beverly Hills, 90210.”
August 14, 2022
  • Svika Pick – Aged 72 years. Polish singer dubbed “The Israeli King of Pop.”
August 15, 2022
  • Pete Carril – Aged 92 years. Princeton’s head mens basketball coach for 30 years.
August 16, 2022
August 17, 2022
  • Jim Mueller – Aged 79 years. Sportscaster, voice of the Browns for 20 years.
August 18, 2022
  • Virginia Patton – Aged 97 years. Actress, last remaining adult cast member of “It’s A Wonderful Life.”
  • Clayton Jacobson II – Aged 88 years. American inventor credited with introducing the jet ski.
August 19, 2022
  • Mildred Kornman – Aged 97 years. Oldest surviving child actor from the “Our Gang” series.
August 20, 2022
  • Leon Vitali – Aged 74 years. English actor and personal assistant to Stanley Kubrick.
August 21, 2022
  • Vincent Gil – Aged 83 years. Australian actor who played Nightrider in “Mad Max.”
August 22, 2022
  • Gary Gaines – Aged 73 years. Texas football coach portrayed by Billy Bob Thornton in “Friday Night Lights.”
  • Jerry Allison – Aged 82 years. Rock & Roll HOF’er, Buddy Holly’s drummer & collaborator.
August 23, 2022
  • Creed Taylor – Aged 93 years. Grammy-winning record producer & jazz label owner.
August 24, 2022
  • Len Dawson – Aged 87 years. KC QB & MVP of SB IV.
  • Joe E. Tata – Aged 85 years. TV actor who played the owner of The Peach Pit on “Beverly Hills, 90210.”
August 25, 2022
  • Mable John – Aged 91 years. Female Mowtown blues vocalist who also appeared in “Honeydripper” and “20 Feet from Stardom.”
  • Joey DeFrancesco – Aged 51 years. Acclaimed jazz multi-instrumentalist.
August 26, 2022
  • Roland Mesnier – Aged 78 years. White House executive pastry chef for 25 years. That’s right folks… we’ve all been paying for a fukking presidential donut maker.
August 27, 2022
  • Robert LuPone – Aged 76 years. Film & TV actor seen in “Jesus Christ Superstar” and “The Sopranos.”
August 28, 2022
August 29, 2022
  • Ernie Zampese – Aged 86 years. Offensive Coordinator for the Cowboys’ Super Bowl 30 team.
  • Luke Bell – Aged 32 years. American country musician and singer-songwriter.
  • Charlbi Dean – Aged 32 years. South African actress seen in “Triangle of Sadness.”
August 30, 2022
  • Steve White – Aged 48 years. NFL DE & blogger for SB Nation. Probably not a valid pick, but sports writers won’t shut up about it.
August 31, 2022
  • Lee Thomas – Aged 86 years. All-star first baseman for the Angels and GM for the Phillies.


In the Hole

in Hits & Misses by
“If this outfit doesn’t put me on
the JCPenny’s Fall Menswear Catalog cover,
nothing will.”

Tom Weiskopf
Pro golfer, course architect, hot head.
November 9, 1942 – August 20, 2022.
Aged 79 years.

Most recognized for: With his height and temper earning him the nickname “The Towering Inferno,” Tom was definitely hot sh!t from the late 60’s to the early 80’s. In total, he captured 16 PGA Tour titles including the ’73 Open Championship. After taking a whack at being a TV analyst, he started designing courses…. and had made contributions to 80 clubs around the world before his balls ended up out of bounds.

Selected by: Tote Menschen

To Hell and Gone

in Hits & Misses by
“Alright, now. If you’re gonna throw beer
at the stage, you’d better send up some
pizza & wings to go with it.
Not kidding, people. I’m fukken
starving up here.”

Steve Grimmett
Singer, porker, peg-leg.
August 19, 1959 – August 15, 2022.
Aged 62 years.

Most recognized. As the gap-toothed vocalist for Grim Reaper, Steve had an impressive 4 octave range… and a chin for each one of them. He sported some of the most laughable hair and wardrobe choices in all of 80’s metal, all while belting out classics like “Rock You To Hell” and “See You in Hell“… the latter providing the soundtrack to our (almost) annual DRCDP hits compilation. An aggressive infection took his right leg in 2017… and an undisclosed illness claimed the rest of him 5 years later.

Heche Tagged

in Hits & Misses by
“Sh!t… I left the blow in the glovebox.
Hold my drink… I’ve gotta go back.
Wait… where’d I park again?”

Anne Heche
Actress, Ellen’s ex, On-star advocate.
May 25, 1969 – August 12, 2022.
Aged 53 years.

Most recognized for: In 1998, People Magazine selected her as one of the 50 Most Beautiful People in the World. Debatable? Sure. But beauty often begets imbalance… and Anne was crazier than 2 bowls of grits. In TV interviews, she referred to her happy place as “The 4th Dimension”… where she’d chat with aliens and hang with her half-brother Jesus Christ. Mmmkay? Then, a fateful day of boozin’, cruisin’, & rooty-toot-tootin’ put her hot wheels on ice.

Chills Multiplying

in Hits & Misses by
John: “Do you think anyone knows, Olivia?…
That I’m… ya’know?”
Olivia: “Maybe you should stop putting
that sh!t in your hair and try greasing
your closet hinges instead.
And yes, John. Everyone knows.”

Olivia Newton-John
Singer, actress, grease fitting.
September 26, 1948 – August 8, 2022.
Aged 73 years.

Most recognized for: By 28, Olivia was the music world’s chart-topping, Grammy-winning good girl. Then came the role of Sandy… a sheltered 50’s high school senior who trades her poodle skirt & bobby socks for black spandex & cigarettes. Post-Grease, she quickly shed what was left of her wholesome image for that of a horny aerobics instructor with her near-pornographic exercise anthem “Physical.” And though she put up a fight, repeated bouts with illness left her summer dreams ripped at the seams. But, oh, those summer nights.

Radio Silence

in Hits & Misses by
“Tommy Lasorda did the best hidden ball trick.
I have no idea how he did it or where he kept it,
but the ball always smelled like
sh!t afterwards”

Vin Scully
Sportscaster, Kid from the Bronx, Mick.
November 29, 1927 – August 2, 2022.
Aged 94 years.

Most recognized for: He’d done golf and football for CBS Sports, but Mr. Scully was best known as a baseball play-by-play guy. The longest-tenured broadcaster with a single team in pro sports history, he called Dodgers games for a record 67 seasons. His iconic voice carried a special undulating rhythm that was often lampooned or outright copied by comics & other broadcasters. But lately, his delivery’s been a bit flat…. and so has Vin.

Selected by: Dr. Death

Dead Guy

in Hits & Misses by
“Period’s over… outta my way.
As long as the Zamboni’s on the ice,
I’ve got a date with flavor country.”

Guy LaFleur
NHL player, French Canadian, Hab.
September 20, 1951 – April 22, 2022.
Aged 70 years.

Most recognized for: Widely considered to be one of the best 100 players of all time, Guy was the first in NHL history to score at least 50 goals and 100 points in six consecutive seasons… and the fastest player (at the time) to reach 1,000 points. “The Blonde Demon” refused to wear a helmet and loved to rip cigs in the locker room. Though his noggin could handle the abuse, his lungs didn’t fare so well.

Selected by: Tote Menschen.

The Short List – July ’22

in Hits & Misses by

Each month, we list the unselected dead celebs we either didn’t have time to report on… or who were just too boring to malign. So in case you were wondering “whatever happened to,” this monthly post may give you some unexpected closure.

July 1, 2022
  • Irene Fargo – Aged 59 years. Italian singer and TV personality.
July 2, 2022
  • Peter Brook – Aged 97 years. Emmy & Tony-winning director of stage & screen.
July 3, 2022
  • Robert Curl – Aged 88 years. Nobel Prize-winning chemist.
July 4, 2022
  • Richard J. Bernstein – Aged 90 years. American author and philosopher.
  • Hank Goldberg – Aged 82 years. Sportscaster & color commentator who specialized in NFL and horse racing.
July 5, 2022
  • Manny Charlton – Aged 80 years. Founding lead guitar player Scottish hard rockers Nazareth.
  • Lenny Von Dohlen – Aged 63 years. Actor who played Harold Smith in the “Twin Peaks” universe.
July 6, 2022
  • Kazuki Takahashi – Aged 60 years. Japanese manga artist and creator of the “Yu-Gi-Oh!” trading card game.
July 7, 2022
  • Adam Wade – Aged 87 years. Singer, actor, and America’s first black game show host.
July 8, 2022
  • Larry Storch – Aged XX years. Emmy-nominated comic actor known best for his role on TV’s “F Troop.”
July 9, 2022
  • L.Q. Jones – Aged 94 years. American actor and director who regularly appeared in Sam Peckinpah’s flicks.
July 10, 2022
July 11, 2022
  • Sean Kelly – Aged 81 years. Humorist, author, National Lampoon editor, & SNL contributor.
July 12, 2022
  • Bobby Hill – Aged 100 years. Champion motorcycle racer… not the kid from King of the Hill.
July 13, 2022
July 14, 2022
July 15, 2022
  • Paul Ryder – Aged 58 years. English musician & actor, founding bass player for Happy Mondays.
July 16, 2022
July 17, 2022
  • Enam Ali – Aged 61 years. Bangladeshi-born British businessman & MBE recipient.
July 18, 2022
  • Rebecca Balding – Aged 73 years. American TV actress seen on “Soap” and “Charmed.”
July 19, 2022
  • Kevin Rooney – Aged 71 years. Emmy-winning stand-up comedian, writer, and actor.
  • William Richert – Aged 79 years. American filmmaker and actor seen in “My Own Private Idaho.”
July 20, 2022
July 21, 2022
  • Jim Lynch – Aged 76 years. Linebacker for KC’s Super Bowl IV team.
  • Taurean Blacque – Aged 82 years. “Hill Street Blues” actor & national spokesman for adoptive services.
July 22, 2022
  • Dwight Smith – Aged 58 years. Outfielder for the Braves’ ’95 World Series Team.
July 23, 2022
  • Bob Rafelson – Aged 89 years. Producer/director of “Easy Rider,” “Five Easy Pieces” and co-creator of “The Monkees.”
July 24, 2022
  • David Warner – Aged 80 years. English actor who played the decapitated photographer in “The Omen.”
July 25, 2022
  • Tom Poberezny – Aged 75 years. Award-winning and record-setting aerobatic pilot.
July 26, 2022
July 27, 2022
  • Mary Alice – Aged 85 years. Emmy and Tony Award-winning actress who played The Oracle in the 3rd Matrix movie.
  • JayDaYoungan – Aged 24 years. Another dumbass rapper.
  • Burt Metcalfe – Aged 87 years. 13x Emmy-nomintaed writer & actor for “M*A*S*H.”
  • Bernard Cribbins – Aged 93 years. English actor with a 7 decade career.
July 28, 2022
  • Wayne Hawkins – Aged 84 years. 5x AFL All-star O-lineman for the Raiders.
July 29, 2022
  • Jim Sohns – Aged 75 years. Vocalist for blues-rockers Shadows of the Night.
July 30, 2022
  • Pat Carroll – Aged 95 years. American actress and comedian who voiced Ursula in “The Little Mermaid.”
July 31, 2022
  • Bill Russell – Aged 88 years. Celtics center and NBA legend.
  • Fidel V. Ramos – Aged 94 years. 12th President of the Philippines.


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