Dan Rooney –
NFL Owner, ex-US ambassador, stupid rule maker.
July 20, 1932 – April 13, 2017.
Aged 84 years.
Most recognized for: Born in a squalid, mid-western shit-hole called Pittsburgh, ol’ Roon-dawg was a child of privilege and silver-spoon fed the business of football from an early age. Eventually, he was handed the reigns of the family business, becoming the president of his hometown’s unscrupulous NFL franchise in 1975.
Selected by: N. Galvez.
Peter Hansen –
Actor, soap star, jarhead.
December 5, 1921 – April 9, 2017.
Aged 95 years.
Most recognized for: He made appearances in a slew of popular TV shows over his career. “Magnum PI,” “Night Court,” “Cheers,” and “Golden Girls,” just to name a few. His biggest part was as lawyer Lee Baldwin on “General Hospital”… a role he reprised for 39 years. Soap operas… they’re harder to get out of than the Mexican mafia.
Charlie Murphy –
Actor, comedian, hater.
July 12, 1959 – April 12, 2017.
Aged 56 years.
Most recognized for: As a cast member of “Chappelle’s Show,” he drew upon past experiences as a part of his younger brother Eddie’s mid-80’s entourage to carve out a name for himself. Re-enactments of his bizarre encounters with Rick James and Prince were nothing short of comedy gold. Finally reunited in the hereafter, all 3 are presumed to be enjoying some pancakes & blow right about now.
John Warren “J” Geils –
Musician, songwriter, hometown zero.
February 20, 1946 – April 11, 2017.
Aged 71 years.
Most recognized for: As leader of the eponymous J. Geils Band, he’s responsible for catchy 80’s crap like “Love Stinks,” “Freeze Frame,” and the no. 1 hit “Centerfold.” Beloved so much by his pathetic home town of Groton, MA, they proclaimed December 1st “J. Geils Day” in 2009. It sounds like the cultural roots of that burgh run about as deep as the Amish gene pool.
Happy 91st birthday to Hugh Hefner! He’s seen more roast beef than a shift manager at Arby’s… he’s proof that the only negative side effect of Viagra is an unquenchable thirst for 20yr old platinum blondes… he’s a tireless advocate for velvet robes and nautical caps to be acceptable daytime attire… he’s a member of the Lucky 13… and he’s still fukking here.
Tim Pigott-Smith –
Actor, narrator, limey.
May 13, 1946 – April 7, 2017.
Aged 70 years.
Most recognized for: With nearly 50 years of stage and screen appearances, you may remember ol’ T-Piggs from his later works… namely “V for Vendetta” and the tragically British series “Downton Abbey.” Expiring only 3 days before he was scheduled to appear in a touring production of “Death of a Salesman,” he seemingly lost himself in the part.
Don Rickles –
Actor, comedian, merchant of venom.
May 8, 1926 – April 6, 2017.
Aged 90 years.
Most recognized for: With brass balls & a chrome dome, Don was the undisputed king of insult comedy. Mr. Warmth was “discovered” in a Miami Beach club when he singled out Frank Sinatra in an audience… to tell Ol’ Blue Eyes that his acting was shit.
Selected by: B. Beazly & M. Poweleit
Paul O’Neill –
Composer, producer, longhaired freak.
February 23, 1956 – April 5, 2017.
Aged 61 years.
Most recognized for: He had produced records for rock bands such as Aerosmith, Metal Church, and Savatage, before creating heavy metal Christmas juggernaut The Trans-Siberian Orchestra. His hit Wizards in Winter is a favorite amongst OCD-afflicted Clark W. Grizwold wanna-be’s around the world.
Christine Kaufmann –
Actress, author, kraut.
January 11, 1945 – March 28, 2017.
Aged 72 years.
Most recognized for: A Golden Globe winning actress, Ms. Kaufmann starred in over 100 films and TV shows in the US & Germany… including “Der Kommissar.” She was also Tony Curtis’ 2nd wife, fukkbuddies with Warren Beatty & Eric Clapton, and later voted “Germany’s most beautiful grandmother.”
Gilbert Baker –
Artist, activist, gerbil jockey.
June 2, 1951 – March 31, 2017.
Aged 65 years.
Most recognized for: Commissioned by Harvey Milk to create pride parade banners, he was the gay Betsy Ross that came up with the rainbow flag in 1978.
It’s been a moderately active first few months for the CDP. Only 6 hits so far, but a few of them have been good scores. In the lead we have Mr. J. Darr with a respectable 82 points, with Mr. Doug Graves close behind at 75, and a 3 way tie for 3rd. No one has reached the 3 hit qualification mark yet, but we do have 3 players with pocket pairs… and it’s only April, folks.
Stay tuned, and feel free to get the shit-talk going by adding comments to posts. You’ll just need to log into the site first using your email address and the password provided back in January. We’re also on Twitter now @DeadReckonerCDP. Feel free to follow and disgust others with our morbid sense of humor.
A point worth mentioning…
A question I get a lot about several of our MISS posts: “Who the fuck is this person? They’re a Celebrity?!?” The answer is yes… because if anyone had selected them, they would be valid hits as described in our rules and regulations. Don’t be butt-hurt that you didn’t discover them earlier. The Dead Reckoner staff scours the on-line mainstream media daily for any report of fresh corpses. If somebody gets a send-off story in the news and they meet our definition of “celebrity” without exclusion, then they are worth mentioning… regardless of wether they are a household name or not. Besides, it’s a way for us to keep ourselves entertained until the reaper reels in the next 800 pound blue marlin.
We have 9 more months to go to see who’ll be this year’s charnel house champion. Best of luck to all!
-Der Kommissar
Darlene Cates –
Actress, Texan, muumuu model.
December 13, 1947 – March 26, 2017.
Aged 69 years.
Most Recognized for: She played Leonardo DiCaprio’s housebound, morbidly-obese mother in “What’s Eating Gilbert Grape?” She followed it with a few other movie & TV appearances, but roles for a person her size were pretty… slim. Besides, most producers couldn’t afford the shipping & handling charges of getting her on set.