Butterball Blown Dead

in Hits & Misses by
“Hey ref… can we skip the 2 minute warning?
I’ve got a case of the shakes coming on…
and the only cure is a Baconator
with extra cheese…
and extra bacon.”

Jared Lorenzen
NFL QB, Wildcat, fatty.
February 14, 1981 – July 3, 2019.
Aged 38 years.

Most recognized for: After setting school records at University of Kentucky, Jared was picked up by the NY Giants to be Eli’s backup from 2004-2007. He then transitioned to arena football… where he really lived up to catchy nicknames “Hefty Lefty” and “Pillsbury Throwboy.” After passing the 500 lb mark, ESPN began documenting his attempt at downsizing… but his comeback rally was squashed by an acute kidney infection.