Celebrity Dead Pool News for the Ghoulish and Depraved

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Hits & Misses - page 2

A chronology of the bucket-kickers.

Friend’s End

in Hits & Misses by
“With a face like this, it’s no wonder
I wind up in the friend zone.”

Biz Markie
Rapper, actor, one-hit wonder.
April 8, 1964 – July 16, 2021.
Aged 57 years.

Most recognized for: Dubbed “The Clown Prince of Hip Hop,” practically his entire career was built upon one song. “Just a Friend” bought him enough MTV exposure that he started getting gigs on various TV shows and minor movie roles. But just like The Biz, The Beetus never sleeps either.

Selected by: Everything Went Black

Gonner

in Hits & Misses by
“Yep… I can finally say it for myself…
I’m too old for this sh!t.

Richard Donner
Director, producer, goonie.
April 24, 1930 – July 5, 2021.
Aged 91 years.

Most recognized for: Credited for creating the template for modern superhero movies, Richard hit it big with “Superman” in 1978. He also dabbled in horror with “The Omen” & “Tales Form the Crypt”… kids stuff like “The Goonies” & “Radio Flyer”… and 80’s action, directing all 4 “Lethal Weapon” movies. But after 50 years in showbiz, it was finally a wrap for “Uncle Dick.”

Hait Crime

in Hits & Misses by
“Anybody smell that?
It suddenly smells like tacos in here…
and I hear footsteps downstairs.
Y’all locked the back door,
right?”

Jovenel Moïse
Head of state, plantocrat, target.
June 26, 1968 – July 7, 2021
Aged 53 years.

Most recognized for: Shifting from auto parts dealer to bio-ecological agriculturalist, Mr. Moïse spearheaded the expansion of a Haitian banana plantation for the purpose of exporting fruit to Germany. Although the project yielded poor results, the endeavor was enough to earn him the nickname “Banana Man.” He would go on to be elected Haiti’s 42’d president… only to be assassinated in his home by Spanish-speaking hitmen 4 years later

The Short List – June ’21

in Hits & Misses/News & Updates by

Each month, we list the unselected dead celebs we either didn’t have time to report on… or who were just too boring to malign. So in case you were wondering “whatever happened to,” this monthly post may give you some unexpected closure.

June 1, 2021
  • Vince Promuto – Aged 82 years. Career Washington Redskin and 2X Pro Bowl lineman.
June 2, 2021
  • Bill Scanlon – Aged 64 years. Pro tennis player who upset McEnroe in the ’83 US Open.
  • Raymond J. Donovan – Aged 90 years. Reagan’s Secretary of Labor accused of colluding with the mob.
June 3, 2021
  • F. Lee Bailey – Aged 87 years. Hi-profile criminal defense attorney who was part of OJ’s “dream team.”
June 4, 2021
  • Clarence Williams III – Aged 81 years. The guy with the afro on police TV series “The Mod Squad.”
  • John M. Patterson – Aged 99 years. Governor of Alabama when all that civil rights sh!t was really going down.
June 5, 2021
  • Richard Robinson – Aged 84 years. Publishing magnate who served up Harry Potter & The Hunger Games.
June 6, 2021
  • Leonard Crow Dog – Aged 78 years. Lakota medicine man and activist who was central in the Wounded Knee Incident.
June 7, 2021
  • Jim Fassel – Aged 71 years. NFL player & head coach of the NY Giants.
June 8, 2021
  • Dean Parrish – Aged 78 years. American soul singer who had a hit with “I’m on My Way.”
June 9, 2021
  • Dakota Skye – Aged 27 years. Porn actress with a booze & fentanyl problem
June 10, 2021
  • Ray MacDonnell – Aged 93 years. Emmy-winning soap actor who played Dr. Joe Martin on “All My Children.”
June 11, 2021
  • Art Ditmar – Aged 92 years. Starting pitcher for the Yankees’ 1958 World Series team.
  • John Gabriel – Aged 90 years. Emmy nominated TV actor who played the Professor in the pilot of “Gilligan’s Island.”
  • Mudcat Grant – Aged 85 years. 2X all-star pitcher.
  • Leroy Jones – Aged 70 years. NFL defensive end who wore a Chargers jersey for 8 years.
June 12, 2021

 

June 13, 2021
  • Ashley Henley – Aged 40 years. Mississippi politician who was shot while investigating a fishy family murder.
June 14, 2021
  • Lisa Banes – Aged 65 years. Award winning actress seen in “Young Guns,” “Cocktail,” and “Gone Girl.”
June 15, 2021
June 16, 2021
  • Vance Trimble – Aged 107 years. Pulitzer Prize winning American journalist.
June 17, 2021
  • Alex Harvill – Aged 28 years. Guinness Record holding dirt bike stunt clown.
June 18, 2021
June 19, 2021
  • Champ – Aged 12 years. Joe Biden’s dog.
    Not a valid pick, but has a longer Wiki write-up than some legit picks do.
June 20, 2021
  • Joanne Linville – Aged 93 years. TV & film actress who once played a saucy Romulan commander on “Star Trek.”
June 21, 2021
  • Tom Kurvers – Aged 58 years. Stanley Cup winning NHL defenseman.
June 22, 2021
June 23, 2021
  • John McAfee – Aged 75 years. Anti-virus software developer & tax evader.
  • Melissa Coates – Aged 49 years. NWA Female wrestler known at “Super Genie.”
June 24, 2021
June 25, 2021
  • Jack Ingram – Aged 84 years. “Iron Man” champ of NASCAR’s Busch series.
June 26, 2021
  • John Langley – Aged 78 years. “Cops” creator/producer/director known as “The Godfather of Reality TV.”
  • Mike Gravel – Aged 91 years. Alaskan Senator and Pentagon Paper-boy.
June 27, 2021
  • Peps Persson – Aged 74 years. Acclaimed Swedish musician.
June 28, 2021
  • Greg Noll – Aged 84 years. Pioneering American pro surfer & movie producer
June 29, 2021
  • Donald Rumsfeld – Aged 88 years. US Secretary of Defense under Ford & Bush 2.
  • Stuart Damon – Aged 84 years. Emmy-winner who played Alan Quartermaine for 30 years on General Hospital.
June 30, 2021
  • Janet Moreau – Aged 93 years. Gold medal US track & field olympian.

I Remember You?

in Hits & Misses by
“Truth be told, I’m actually a brunette…
but Snake makes me dye this sh!t for the folks that
don’t realize ‘Baz has been long gone.”

Johnny Solinger
Singer, songwriter, substitute.
August 7, 1965 – June 26, 2021.
Aged 55 years.

Most recognized for: Johnny was the vocalist for hair-metal has-beens Skid Row following the departure of frontman Sebastian Bach. In the wake of the Nirvana-induced hairspray & spandex market crash of the mid 90’s, he never saw the multi-platinum level of success the band once had. And besides, he had some big heels to fill. Cuz, c’mon… no Bach? Sounds more like Skid Blow to me.

W.R.I.P.

in Hits & Misses by
“So you wanna see some nude pics
of Lonnie Anderson?
I got you, bro.”

Frank Bonner
Actor, director, plaid boy.
February 28, 1942 – June 16, 2021.
Aged 79 years.

Most recognized for: Though he did extensive work from the front and the back of camera in 70’s & 80’s television, he’ll forever be known as Herb, the plaid & polyester-clad salesman from “W.K.R.P in Cincinnati.” Although he returned for the short-lived 90’s reboot, his leisure suit days slowed to a crawl from Lewy Body Dementia… leaving him anything but “Hokay, fine.”

Silence of the Hams

in Hits & Misses by
“Now… if you’ll excuse me…
It’s about time I cry
wee, wee, wee…
all the way home.”

Ned Beatty
Actor, Golden Globe winner, bottom.
July 6, 1937 – June 13, 2021.
Aged 83 years.

Most recognized for: On his 1972 big screen debut, Ned squealed like a pig and took one for the team in “Deliverance.” He later earned an Oscar nod for “Network” and became Lex Luthor’s sidekick Otis in the first 2 Superman movies. But even after nearly 50 years in showbiz, his name still conjures images of that harrowing scene that makes everyone second guess the safety of a rural canoeing trip.

Won’t Be Seeing Yoo

in Hits & Misses by
“Hey!
Anybody wanna see
my Robbie Rogers
impersonation?”

Yoo Sang-chul
FIFA player, manager, blindsider.
October 18, 1971 – June 7, 2021.
Aged 49 years.

Most recognized for: So… apparently, soccer is a thing in South Korea. Who knew. And if you did, you’d surely heard of Yoo. A star midfielder for the National team, he had standout World Cup performances in ’98 & ’02. But it was only after a bum knee forced his retirement that he revealed he’d been blind in one eye the whole time. But with a wink & a nod, it was an early lights out for the Seoul man.

Selected by: Deadpool Actuary

The Short List – May ’21

in Hits & Misses/News & Updates by

Each month, we list the unselected dead celebs we either didn’t have time to report on… or who were just too boring to malign. So in case you were wondering “whatever happened to,” this monthly post may give you some unexpected closure.

May 1, 2021
  • Olympia Dukakis – Aged 89 years. Actress who won an Oscar & A Golden Glove fo r her performance in “Moonstruck.”
May 2, 2021
  • Bobby Unser – Aged 87 years. 3X Indy 500 winning race car driver.
May 3, 2021
  • Lloyd Price – Aged 88 years. “Mr. Personality” of 50’s-60’s R&B who sand “Lawdy Miss Clawdy.”
May 4, 2021
  • Nick Kamen – Aged 59 years. English singer/songwriter & Madonna collaborator.
May 5, 2021
  • George Jung – Aged 78 years. Cocaine trafficker for the Medellín cartel who was portrayed by Johnny Depp in “Blow.”
May 6, 2021
  • David H. Gambrell – Aged 91 years. Georgia Senator who was a big deal for a hot minute in the early 70’s.
May 7, 2021
  • Pete du Pont – Aged 86 years. Silver-spoonfed Delaware politician who took a swing at the presidency in 1988.
May 9, 2021
  • Robert Ward – Aged 68 years. Record-holding caucus leader from Connecticut.
May 10, 2021
May 11, 2021
  • Norman Lloyd – Aged 106 years. American actor who was in showbiz for nearly a century.
May 12, 2021
  • Jerry Burns – Aged 94 years. Former head coach for the Minnesota Vikings
May 13, 2021
  • Jack Terricloth – Aged 50 years. Oddball American musician and guitarist.
May 14, 2021
May 15, 2021
May 16, 2021
  • Patsy Bruce – Aged 81 years. Country-western songwriter who co-penned “Mammas Don’t Let Your Babies Grow Up to Be Cowboys.”
May 17, 2021
  • Don Kernodle – Aged 71 years. WWF tag-team partner of Sgt. Slaughter.
  • Buddy Roemer – Aged 77 years. Aisle-jumping congressman from Louisiana.
May 18, 2021
  • Gilles Lupien – Aged 67 years. NHL defenceman who played for Montreal’s back-to-back Stanley Cup team.
May 19, 2021
  • Paul Mooney – Aged 79 years. Writer & stand-up comic who played Negrodamus on “Chappelle’s Show.”
  • Lee Evans – Aged 74 years. 2X gold medal olympian and Black Panther.
May 20, 2021
  • Roger Hawkins – Aged 75 years. Muscle Shoals session drummer who is heard on dozens of top 40 hits.
May 21, 2021
  • Tahir Salahov – Aged 92 years. Russian artist & Order of Lenin recipient.
May 22, 2021
  • Robert Marchand – Aged 109 years. Old fart on a bicycle.
  • Joe Beckwith – Aged 66 years. MLB relief pitcher for 85 World Series winning Royals.
May 23, 2021
  • Eric Carle – Aged 91 years. Children’s lit author & illustrator who created “The Very Hungry Caterpillar.”
May 24, 2021
  • Samuel E. Wright – Aged 74 years. Actor & singer who was the voice behind The Little Mermaid song “Under the Sea.”
  • Paul Christy – Aged 82 years. Old school wrestler who jobbed in the NWA & WWF.
  • John Davis – Aged 66 years. The real voice behind Milli Vanilli’s “Girl You Know it’s True.”
May 25, 2021
  • John Warren – Aged 94 years. US Senator and 6th husband of Elizabeth Taylor.
  • J.D. Roberts – Aged 88 years. Head coach for the New Orleans Saints in the early 70’s.
  • Rusty Warren – Aged 91 years. Female comic & singer, specializing in sex-related tunes like “Bounce Your Boobies”
  • Cotton Ivy – Aged 91 years. Tennessee politician and musician who appeared on Hee Haw.
May 26, 2021
  • Paul Soles – Aged 90 years. Canadian actor and television personality who voiced Hermey, the misfit dentist elf on “Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer.”
  • Jerome Hellman – Aged 92 years. Oscar-winning producer of “Midnight Cowboy.”
May 27, 2021
  • Patrick Sky – Aged 80 years. American folk singer/songwriter.
May 28, 2021
  • Tony Marino – Aged 90 years. Another dead wrestler.
May 29, 2021
  • B.J. Thomas – Aged 78 years. Grammy winning singer of “Hooked on a Feeling” & “Raindrops Keep Fallin’ on My Head”.
  • Joe Lara – Aged 58 years. Actor who played Tarzan on TV.
May 30, 2021
May 31, 2021
  • Arlene Golonka – Aged 85 years. Actress best known as Millie Hutchins on “The Andy Griffith Show.”.
  • Lil Loaded – Aged 20 years. Rapper & trouble magnet.

 

 

Down with the Ship

in Hits & Misses by
“Not a single mention of the 7 years I spent on Mary Tyler Moore?! Is that all people really care about? This sappy, stupid fukking boat show?!?!”

Gavin MacLeod
Actor, MTM alum, bible beater.
February 28, 1931 – May 29, 2021.
Aged 90 years.

Most recognized for: After serving in the Air Force, Mr. MacLoed got his first regular acting gig in the Navy… “McHale’s Navy,” that is. Years later, he’d be promoted from seaman to captain of “The Love Boat.” And after playing an Army mechanic in “Kelly’s Heroes,” a German general in “Hogan’s Heroes,” and even appearing in Gomer Pyle’s Marine Corps, the old acting vet has finally got his discharge papers.

Grounded Chuck

in Hits & Misses by
“It doesn’t matter who you are,
at some point in everyone’s life,
we all screw a pig.”

Charles Grodin
Actor, author, antagonist.
April 21, 1935 – May 18, 2021.
Aged 86 years.

Most recognized for: Aside from notable movie appearances such as “Midnight Run,” “The Heartbreak Kid,” and “The Great Muppet Caper,” Mr. Grodin was a successful comedy writer and frequent talk show guest… where loved to play the provocateur. Visits with Letterman and Carson frequently ended in shouting, even with him getting “banned” from the show. And though it was all an act, the show’s finally over.

Under the Bridge

in Hits & Misses by
“Wait a minute….
Did Mad Max just say
Sugar Tits?!?”
 

John Kiedis AKA Blackie Dammett
Actor, pusher, pepper papa.
December 7, 1939 – May 12, 2021.
Aged

Most recognized for: Blackie was the sole surviving Christmas tree lot coke dealer in the opening scene of “Lethal Weapon”… a role that was kismet for the real life Sunset Strip trafficker. According to son Anthony Kiedis’ book, pop’s clients at the Rainbow included members of The Who and Led Zep. Although there have been far more “accomplished” celebrity passages recently that better deserved a write up over than this clown, he was in Lethal Fukken Weapon, mmmkay?

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