Celebrity Dead Pool News for the Ghoulish and Depraved

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Hits & Misses - page 3

A chronology of the bucket-kickers.

Aw Rooty!

in Hits & Misses by
“Ha ha!!
Gotcha beat, Roy!!
Woooo-hooo!!”

Little Richard
Musician, vanguard, fruitcake.
December 5, 1932 – May 9, 2020.
Aged 87 years.

Most recognized for: The style and spirit of rock & roll as we know it can all be traced back to gay, piano playing black man in the 1950’s. Tootier than a Studio 54 bathroom stall and fruitier than a San Francisco parade, his wild and flamboyant persona had an undeniable influence on the landscape of popular music. But then, the fun machine took a sh!t and died.

Selected by: Mpoweleit 1

Once Bitten

in Hits & Misses by
“I would dare say that I
have got to be the most flamboyant person
to kick the bucket this week.”

Roy Horn
Entertainer, magician, schwuler.
October 3, 1944 – May 8, 2020.
Aged 75 years.

Most recognized for: He was half of the infamous Vegas magic duo “Siegfried and Roy,” renowned for making lions, tigers, and each others’ schwanzes disappear. On his 59th birthday, before a live audience at The Mirage, Roy had a stroke and was mauled by one of his white tigers… leaving him with a severed spine. He managed to limp along for several years after… until the Rona finished what the tiger couldn’t.

Laces Out

in Hits & Misses by
“Whoa-ho-ho, guys…
I know we’re #1, but watch where
you point those fingers back there.”

Don Shula
NFL coach, defensive back, perfectionist.
January 4, 1930 – May 4, 2020.
Aged 90 years.

Most recognized for: For 25 years, Don was head coach for the Miami dolphins. In that time, he took them to 5 Super Bowls… 2 of which they won back to back… and led them through the NFL’s only perfect season ever recorded. He’s considered the winningest coach in NFL history… but now he’s just plain history.

Selected by: Hoh 1

Scrubbed Off

in Hits & Misses by
“Gee… I’d love to try some of
those hair re-growth drugs,
but it would ruin
my acting career.”
 

Sam Lloyd
Actor, singer, chrome dome.
November 12, 1963 – April 30, 2020.
Aged 56 years.

Most recognized for: Sam played Ted, the hospital’s sad sack lawyer, on TV’s “Scrubs.” He also appeared on “The West Wing,” Desperate Housewives,” “The Middle,” and “Cougar Town”… always playing the same balding, dull character. Mr. Lloyd also was a member the a capella quartet “The Blanks” who appeared on Scrubs occasionally and recorded a few completely unnecessary albums.

Selected by: Abra Cadaver & Tote Menschen

The Short List – Apr ’20

in Hits & Misses by

Here we list the unselected celebs we either didn’t have time for… or who were just too boring to malign. So in case you were wondering “whatever happened to,” this monthly post may give you some unexpected closure.

April 1, 2020
April 4, 2020
  • Jay Benedict – Aged 68 years. American actor known better in the UK.
  • Forrest Compton – Aged 94 years. Actor known for roles on TV’s “Gomer Pyle, USMC” and Christopher Walken film “McBain.”
  • Tom Dempsey – Aged 73 years. Toeless record-setting NFL kicker.
  • Timmy Brown – Aged 82 years. Actor, singer, and NFL RB.
April 5, 2020
  • Shirley Douglas – Aged 86 years. Canadian actress and activist, Kiefer Sutherland’s mom..
  • Bobby Mitchell – Aged 84 years. NFL halfback & first black Redskin.
  • Lee Fierro – Aged 91 years. Cop-slappin’ actress from 2 “Jaws” movies.
April 6, 2020
  • James Drury – Aged 85 years. TV Western actor best known as “The Viginian.”
  • Al Kaline – Aged 85 years. Detroit’s “Mr. Tiger” who played for the MLB franchise his entire 22 year career.
April 7, 2020
  • Allen Garfield – Aged 80 years. American film and TV actor who played Chief Lutz in “Beverly Hills Cop II.”
  • Steve Farmer – Aged 71 years. Guitarist alongside Ted Nugent in late 60’s psychedelic act The Amboy Dukes.
April 8, 2020
  • Mort Drucker – Aged 91 years. Comic artist, caricaturist, satirist. Mad Magazine contributor for 55 years.
  • Chynna – Aged 25 years. Model, rapper, fringe celebrity.
  • Pat Stapleton – Aged 79 years. Record setting NHL defenseman.
  • Linda Tripp – Aged 70 years. Whistleblower in the Clinton-Lewinsky scandal.
April 9, 2020
  • Malcolm Dixon – Aged 66 years. Midget who appeared in “Time Bandits” and wore an Ewok suit in “Return of the Jedi.”
April 10, 2020
April 12, 2020
  • Stirling Moss – Aged 90 years. British Formula One racing legend.
  • Peter Bonetti – Aged 78 years. English goalkeeper nicknamed “The Cat.”
  • Glenn Beckert – Aged 79 years. Four time MLB All-star.
  • Tavaris Jackson – Aged 36 years. NFL QB for MIN, SEA, and BUF.
  • Jim Frey – Aged 88 years. MLB coach/manager for the Royals & Cubs.
April 14, 2020
April 15, 2020
  • Willie Davis – Aged 85 years. 5 Time Pro Bowl Packer.
  • Ranjit Chowdhry – Aged 64 years. Bollywood actor who made appearances on US TV shows such as “Prison Break” and “The Office.”
  • Gary McSpadden – Aged 77 years. Gospel singer and Oak Ridge Boy.
  • Ashley Mattingly – Aged 33 years. Playmate of the Month, March 2011.
April 16, 2020
  • Christophe – Aged 74 years. French singer.
  • Howard Finkel – Aged 69 years. Pro wrestling ring announcer.
  • Gene Deitch – Aged 95 years. Comic artist, animator, and film director.
April 17, 2020
  • Matthew Seligman – Aged 64 years. 80’s pop bass player for The Thompson Twins and Thomas Dolby.
April 18, 2020
  • Paul H. O’Neill – Aged 84 years. Businessman and former US Secretary of the Treasury.
April 20, 2020
  • Thomas Lester – Aged 81 years. TV actor who played farmhand Eb Dawson on “Green Acres.”
April 21, 2020
  • Derek Jones – Aged 35 years. Guitar player/vocalist for American post-hardcore act Falling in Reverse.
  • Dimitri Diatchenko – Aged 52 years. American actor who regularly played Russians on film & TV.
April 24, 2020
  • Harold Reid – Aged 80 years. Bass singer for country quartet The Statler Brothers.
April 29, 2020
  • John Lafia – Aged 63 years. Horror film writer, producer, and director behind “Child’s Play” and “Man’s Best Friend.”
  • Matty Simmons – Aged 93 years. Producer of “National Lampoon’s Animal House” and the National Lampoon’s “Vacation” film series.
April 30, 2020
  • Rishi Kapoor – Aged 67 years. Bollywood romantic leading man from a famous Indian acting family.
  • Tony Allen – Aged 80 years. Obscure but famed African drummer.

 

Officer Down

in Hits & Misses by
“Go ahead.
Make
my
  meatloaf.”

Jill Gascione
Actress, novelist, limey.
April 11, 1937 – April 29, 2020.
Aged 83 years.

Most recognized for: Although TV police dramas with female leads were nothing new to US audiences by 1980, “The Gentle Touch” was the first of its kind in the UK. As Detective Inspector Maggie Forbes, Jill’s character tackled relevant social issues through the lens of a widowed single mother with a badge for 8 seasons. The only case she couldn’t crack… was Alzheimers.

Selected by: The Kim Reaper

Went Mumbai-bai

in Hits & Misses by
“Oh no.
We’re out of toilet paper?
May Ganesh have mercy
on us all.”
 

Irrfan Kahn
Actor, Bollywood bigshot, poopy pants.
January 7, 1967 – April 29, 2020.
Aged 53 years.

Most recognized for: One of India’s most versatile & well-known film & TV stars, Mr. Kahn was kinda/sorta the Tom Hanks of modern Bollywood. He crossed over into Western cinema with roles in “Slumdog Millionaire,” “The Amazing Spider-Man,” “Life of Pi,” and “Jurassic World.” But after battling a neuroendocrine tumor for a few years, he made his final crossover with a little help from a bad case of colitis.

Selected by: Tote Menschen

G’knight, Grandma.

in Hits & Misses by
I smoked that sh!t?
Moi??”

Shirley Knight
Actress, Oscar nominee, partier.
July 5, 1936 – April 22, 2020.
Aged 83 years.

Most recognized for: A life member of the Actors Studio, Shirley caught the Academy’s attention in the 60’s with a couple of Oscar nods. From there, she worked extensively in film & TV, albeit mostly in smaller, guest roles. She won Emmys, Tonys, & Golden Globes, but she’ll always be remembered as the pill-popping old broad who smoked the Frankenstein sh!t in “Grandma’s Boy.”

Limp Willy

in Hits & Misses by
“Have another Atkins bar for lunch, Lowe. Farley & I are gonna have a large pizza & a case of Bud. Each. That’s the benefit of being a character actor, pretty boy. Nobody gives a sh!t how fat we are.”

Brian Dennehy
Actor, Golden Globe winner, tub.
July 9, 1938 – April 15, 2020.
Aged 81 years.

Most recognized for: As a chubby, old character actor, he repeatedly met the reaper on both stage & screen. To name a few: as a shot Sheriff in “Silverado,” a disemboweled detective in “Gorky Park,” and a cardiac car parts maker in “Tommy Boy”… but he garnered the most acclaim for his 274-time portrayal of Willy Loman in a stage/TV production of “Death of a Salesman.” As it turns out, all that playing dead was good practice.

Prinetime

in Hits & Misses by
“Somebody call Peabody…
‘cuz I’m gonna need a train ticket to wherever
he hauled Muhlenberg County away to.”

John Prine
Songwriter, grammy winner, old folky.
October 10, 1946 – April 7, 2020.
Aged 73 years.

Most recognized for: One of the most influential American country/folk songwriters of a generation, old boy was kinda a big deal…. especially to his fellow old boys. Bob Dylan, Johnny Cash, Rodger Waters… all these guys have admitted to looking for inspiration in Prine’s work. But amidst a rough couple of weeks when everybody was Kung-flu fighting, ol’ John took the ultimate crane kick.

Dead Old Pussy

in Hits & Misses by
“I don’t mind people
calling me by my Bond Girl name.
I mean, it could’ve been worse.
I could be forever known as “Beaver Bonanza.”

Honor Blackman
Actress, singer, Bond girl.
August 22, 1925 – April 5, 2020.
Aged 94 years.

Most recognized for: Ms. Blackman was already an established actress with a familiar face to British TV audiences when she was cast as Pussy Galore in the 1964 classic “Goldfinger.” At 38, she was one of the oldest actresses to play a Bond girl, five years older than Sean Connery. But at the ripe old age of 94, Honor fell flat… and we’re not talking about her sh!tty singing.

Selected by: Old Broads

Still Bill

in Hits & Misses by
“Yes. In my spare time,
I whittle fertility idols.
What about that do you
find so unusual?”

Bill Withers
Singer/songwriter, Navy boy, anomaly.
July 4, 1938 – March 30, 2020.
Aged 81 years.

Most recognized for: Strangely enough, Bill was a workin’ man… with a plant job that he didn’t want to quit when he recorded his first hit single, “Ain’t No Sunshine.” The Grammy and gold record that followed changed all that. He’s also known for “Just the Two of Us” and “Lean on Me”… but after a successful 15 year run, he got fed up with major label politics. He left his music career behind in the late 80’s… and left everything else behind last week.

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