Hits & Misses - page 41

Bruce McCandless II –
Astronaut, Navy pilot, space “walker.”
June 8, 1937 – December 21, 2017.
Aged 80 years.

Most recognized for: Man… NASA’s having a rough year with all these dead rocket jockeys. Anyway, Bruce was the first to make an untethered free flight through space, or a “spacewalk” as they call it around the Cape. As fun as that may sound, floating around with no safety restraints, he did cheat a little bit by using an MMU. So it was less of a space walk & more of a ride in a space chair. Whatever, NASA. Just keep showing-up the Ruskies.

Dick Enberg –
Sportscaster, Emmy winner, bad traveler.
January 9, 1935 – December 21, 2017.
Aged 82 years.

Most recognized for: During his 60-ish year career, ol’ Dick has called the Olympics, the Super Bowl, Wimbledon, the US Open, March Madness, and more Padres games than anyone deserves to sit through. He even appeared as himself in a handful of movies, including “The Naked Gun.” After missing a flight to Boston, he was found next to his luggage in his San Diego home. He took a trip, alright… just not to Boston.

Bernard Francis Law –
Clergyman, cardinal, cover-up artist.
November 4, 1931 – December 20, 2017.
Aged 86 years.

Most recognized for: A former Boston Archbishop, B-Law was ringmaster of the child abuse scandal recounted in the Oscar winning drama “Spotlight.” His buggerous little shell game quietly moved known diddlers from one parish to another, once their indiscretions started to draw the heat. After the scheme was exposed by Boston Globe investigative reporters, he fled to Rome… where he was a appointed to a cushy Cardinal post by none other than Pope JP2 himself.  Buddhism anyone?

Bob Glidden –
Drag racer, crew chief, speed freak.
August 18, 1944 – December 17, 2017.
Aged 73 years.

Most recognized for: A veteran stock car driver and drag racer, he was the the winningest driver in NHRA history at the time of his retirement. Bob was family man to the bone, both on & off the track. His kids eventually became members of his pit crew with his wife as his long-time crew chief. The poor guy… could never get away from the bloodsuckers… until recently.

Heather North –
Actress, voice talent, cartoon tart.
December 13, 1946 – November 30, 2017.
Aged 70 years.

Most recognized for: After a series of one-off TV appearances in the late 60’s & early 70’s, she starred alongside a young Kurt Russell in the Disney chimp flick “The Barefoot Executive.” However, it was a cartoon gig that would pay her bills for the next 30 years.  She was the voice of Daphne Blake, the clumsy bimbo member of Scooby Doo’s Mystery Machine crew.

Tommy Nobis –
NFL Linebacker, Texan, Dirty Bird #1
September 20, 1943 – December 13, 2017.
Aged 74 years.

Most recognized for: Regarded as one of college football’s best linebackers of all time, he was the 1st overall selection in the 1966 NFL draft… picked up by then-expansion team the Atlanta Falcons… thusly becoming their very first player & earning the name “Mr. Falcon.” Unfortunately, old Tommy wasn’t answering to that or any other name when complications of CTE finally clipped his wings.

Bruce Brown –
Filmmaker, sailor, surf rat.
December 1, 1937 – December 10, 2017.
Aged 80 years.

Most recognized for: In 1966, Bruce brought the sport and culture of surfing to theaters across the US with his groundbreaking documentary “The Endless Summer.” His follow-up dirt bike doc “On Any Sunday” received an Oscar nomination in 1971. However, in the decades that followed, his highest profile appearance was as narrator of a surfing themed episode of SpongeBob SquarePants.  Then, the old man wiped out.

Pat DiNizio –
Musician, actor, Jersey greaseball.
October 12, 1955 – December 12, 2017
Aged 62 years.

Most recognized for: Pat was living every New Jersey boy’s dream… driving a truck for the family trash-hauling business and wiping his ass with pizza… until he picked up a guitar & formed late 80’s college rock darlings The Smithereens. He made over a dozen albums, a handful of film & TV appearances, an unsuccessful run for US Senate, and one bloated corpse.

Steve Reevis –
Actor, Blackfoot, typecasted Tonto.
August 14, 1962 – December 7, 2017.
Aged 55 years.

Most recognized for: Steve picked up bit parts here & there when a script called for a large Indian fella (casino, not slurpee.) However, his biggest role was as parolee & Gustafson Motors garage mechanic Shep Proudfoot in the Coen brothers’ classic “Fargo”… where he got to belt-beat Steve Buscemi’s character Carl for calling him after bedtime.

August Ames –
Video vixen, Canuk, sticky girl.
August 23, 1994 – December 5, 2017.
Aged 23 years.

Most recognized for: Born with a name like Mercedes Grabowski, she was practically destined to be a lowly stripper… but she ascended to AVN award winning heights with over 290 titles and 415 million web views under her belt in 4 years. After reportedly refusing to work with a male performer known for doing gay scenes, a social media firestorm of shaming ensued. The paradox of being a homophobic lesbian wound up being too much to process… so she tried something new: swinging.

Michael I of Romania –
Ex-king, Romanian, Droopy lookalike.
October 25th 1921 – December 5, 2017.
Aged 96 years.

Most recognized for: After his father ran off with a whore and grandpa Ferdinand kicked the bucket, Michael became King of Romania at the age of 5 in 1927. Reluctantly allied with Germany in WWII, he staged a coup against his own military leaders, surrendered to the allies, and by doing so – according to some eggheaded analysts – ended the war 6 months early.

John B. Anderson –
Congressman, candidate, coulda-been.
February 15, 1922 – December 3, 2017.
Aged 95 years.

Most recognized for: An Illinois Congressman (R) with oval office dreams, Mr. Anderson decided to give it a go in 1979. His moderate tendencies were popular to the public, but not so much within his own party… so he shocked everyone & ran as an independent. Outraged by John’s inclusion in the debates, President Carter refused to participate… which gave John & Ronnie the spotlight. Anderson got 8% of the popular vote, but Reagan ultimately took the taco.