Hits & Misses - page 43

Charles Manson –
Musician, cult leader, Cincy boy.
November 12, 1934 – November 19, 2017.
Aged 83 years.

Most recognized for: In an interview with Diane Sawyer, Chuck said: “A long time ago, being crazy meant something. Nowadays, everybody’s crazy.” But even in a world of lunatics, Charlie was still head & shoulders above the rest. With some lysergic assistance, he convinced a handful of doe-eyed hippies that it was their duty to instigate an apocalyptic race war.  You gotta hand it to some people, man… they really know how to sell an idea.

Selected by: Thunderpants

Ann Wedgeworth –
Actress, Tony winner, randy old goat.
January 21, 1934 – November 16, 2017.
Aged 83 years.

Most recognized for: Ann made various appearances on stage & screen, but is best known as cougar Lana Shields on “Three’s Company.”  Her older divorcee in heat character had a serious crush on an uninterested Jack Tripper.  After a dispute between Ritter & the show’s writers, Lana suddenly disappeared after 9 episodes.

Malcolm Young –
Guitarist, Aussie, scatterbrain.
January 6, 1953 – November 18, 2017.
Aged 64 years.

Most recognized for: Along with his brother Angus, he co-founded Australian rock & roll juggernaut AC/DC. Malcolm held down the rhythm while Angus pranced around the stage in schoolboy knickers. After 45 years, he started slipping… and retired after a dementia diagnosis. With a shot memory, he eventually forgot to breathe.

Selected by: Der Kommissar, J. Stautberg, J. Darr

Chuck Mosley –
Singer, chef, junkie.
December 26, 1959 – November 9, 2017.
Aged 57 years.

Most recognized for: Chuck replaced Courtney Love as singer of Faith No More in the mid 80’s. His sloppy crooning lasted for 2 albums – with his final appearance being on 1987’s “Introduce Yourself” – before being supplanted by Mr. Bungle’s Mike Patton. Mr. Mosley’s epilogue was a string of less-than-interesting musical projects and a checkered culinary career… culminating in a heroin overdose.

Gustav Åhr A.K.A. Lil Peep –
Rapper, doper, emo bitch.
November 1, 1996 – November 15, 2017.
Aged 21 years.

Most recognized for: Len Bias, River Phoenix, Phillip Eats More Often… I mean, Seymour Hoffman. Some people just can’t handle their dope. Case in point: this tattooed, rapping twink… who looks like Justin Bieber after getting the old Chinese Finger Trap treatment from Lil Wayne & Marylyn Manson. Regularly seen popping Xanax like Pez, it was just a matter of time before the Peep finally pooped out.

Bobby Doerr –
2nd Baseman, near-centenarian, Red Sock.
April 7, 1918 – November 13, 2017.
Aged 99 years.

Most recognized for: At the time of his death, Mr. Doerr was the oldest living member of the Baseball Hall of Fame, the oldest living former Red Sox player, and the oldest living MLB player on the planet. He was also the last person to have played professionally in the 1930’s or against Lou Gehrig. Old, old, OLD! The fukker probably had dinosaur sh!t still stuck in his cleats.

Fred Cole –
Singer, songwriter, draft dodger.
August 28, 1948 – November 9, 2017.
Aged 69 years.

Most recognized for: Unless you’re from the Pacific Northwest or a Pearl Jam superfan, chances are you’ve never heard of Fred… or his influential garage-punk band Dead Moon. After 50 years of recording music in various bands, Fred didn’t have any charted hits to his name. But for some of those out-of-touch Portalndia types, that odd brand of anti-success is exactly what they strive for.

Antonio Carluccio –
Chef, author, salami slapper.
April 19, 1937 – November 8, 2017.
Aged 80 years.

Most recognized for: With over a dozen cookbooks, a few TV shows, and his own restaurant chain, this old greaseball made a mint convincing people that his combinations of pasta, cheese, & tomatoes were unique. Some idiot even went so far as to give him the title “the godfather of Italian gastronomy.” What?! This fukker wasn’t the first to throw tomato sauce on pasta. He didn’t invent the ravioli. Italians weren’t in the culinary dark ages, subsisting on piss and sawdust before this goombah showed up! Godfather, may ass.

Karin Dor –
Actress, theater enthusiast, kraut.
February 22, 1938 – November 6, 2017.
Aged 79 years.

Most recognized for: She played German assassin Helga Brandt in “You Only Live Twice.” Hired by SPECTRE mastermind Ernst Blofeld to eliminate 007, she captured him aboard a Japanese cargo ship… but managed to blow the opportunity… by blowing Bond instead. For her failure, Blofeld’s punishment was to feed Ms. Dor’s character to his pool of hungry piranhas.

John Hillerman –
Actor, Texan, silver screen bigot.
December 20, 1932 – November 9, 2017.
Aged 84.

Most recognized for: He played Tom Selleck’s ex-MI6 butler Higgins on “Magnum, P.I.,” a role that earned him both an Emmy & a Golden Globe. Higgins’ character also made crossover appearances on “Simon & Simon” and “Murder, She Wrote.” However, Mr. Hillerman’s star shone brightest in the comedy classic “Blazing Saddles”… where as welcoming committe chairman Howard Johnson, he was the first on screen to call a spade a spade.

Dick Gordon and Paul Weitz –
Astronauts, naval officers, space cases.
October 5, 1929 – November 6, 2017 and
July 25, 1932 – October 22, 2017.
Aged 88 & 85, respectively.

Most recognized for: Dick piloted NASA spacecrafts in both the Gemini and Apollo programs while Pete piloted the first manned mission to Skylab. Back in their day, astronauts were viewed with godlike reverence… granted sexual gratification from random passers-by upon command. These days? “You’re an astronaut? Yeah right… Oh, you’re for real? Who cares.”

Roy Halladay –
All-Star MLB’er, pitching stud, shitty pilot.
May 14, 1977 – November 7, 2017.
Aged 40 years.

Most recognized for: A 2 time Cy Young Award winner, “Doc” Halladay was the first pitcher in MLB history to throw both  a perfect game and  a no-hitter in the same season… even throwing an additional no-hitter in the off-season of the same year.  He was also the fist MLB pitcher to get cranked up on meth and crash a plane into the Gulf of Mexico.