Celebrity Dead Pool News for the Ghoulish and Depraved

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Hits & Misses - page 58

A chronology of the bucket-kickers.

Exit Stage Lefty

in Hits & Misses by
“Anybody wanna hear a Rick Santorum’s dead baby joke?”

Alan Colmes
TV & radio host, political commentator, token liberal.
September 24, 1950 – February 23, 2017.
Aged 66 years.

Most recognized for: Half of the political debate show “Hannity & Colmes” and tenured Fox News contributor, he was typically brought on air to represet the “other side” of the argument. Unfortunately for him, that was the wrong side.
 

Wanted: Taxidermist

in Hits & Misses by
“May I have a bite of your cheeseburger?”

George “The Animal” Steele
Wrestler, actor, hairball.
April 16, 1937 – February 16, 2017.
Aged 79 years.

Most recognized for: Being the green-tongued gorilla that stalked the lovely Miss Elizabeth… much to the Macho Man’s dismay. If this isn’t ringing any bells, take a Delorean back to the mid-80’s and watch some wrestling.
 
 

9 Lives Spent

in Hits & Misses by
“Who so horny?”

Trish Doan
Musician, Korean Canadian, headbanger.
May 9, 1985 – Ferbuary 13, 2017.
Aged 31 years.

Most recognized for: She was the bass player for all-girl metal band Kittie. Even though their music wasn’t all that great, broads playing heavy metal is pretty hot.
 
 
 

A Family Affair

in Hits & Misses by
“You like booze, hookers, & gambling too?!?  High five, dawg!!”

Kim Jong-Nam
Korean “royal,” exiled successor, wannabe Mouseketeer.
June 10, 1970 – February 13, 2017
Aged 46 years.

Most recognized for: As the eldest son of East Asian despot Kim Jong-Il, we was first in line to be ruler of North Korea… that is, until a botched attempt to visit Tokyo Disneyland on a phony passport. After that, daddy disowned him, croaked, & the reins were passed to Jong-Nam’s little bro Jong-Un.

Almost Got By

in Hits & Misses by
“Y’all wanna see my Bill Cosby impression?”

Al Jarreau
Jazz singer, songwriter, workaholic.
March 12, 1940 – February 12, 2017.
Aged 76 years.

Most recognized for: He sang the theme to 80’s TV dramedy “Moonlighting,” had a solo line in “We Are the World,” and won a shitload of Grammys.
 
 
 

Melo, Goodbye

in Hits & Misses by
“Stay in school, kids. For real.”

Fab Melo
NBA center, Brazilian, first round draft bust.
June 20, 1990 – February 11, 2017.
Aged 26 years.

Most recognized for: As a sophomore at Syracuse, he was named the Big East Defensive Player of the Year… despite nearly flunking out of every class. The solution to his academic problem: go pro… and then flunk out of the NBA within a year.

No Authority

in Hits & Misses by
“Ha ha! You missed me, fuckers!”

Irwin Corey
Actor, comic, kooky old fart.
July 29, 1914 – February 6, 2017.
Aged 102 years.

Most recognized for: His “Professor” character was typically billed as “The World’s Foremost Authority” on… whatever. Aside from that, he was known as bit of a communist fruitcake.
 
 

Down with the Ship

in Hits & Misses by
“Capes are still in… right?”

Richard Hatch
Actor, writer, not the gay guy from Survivor.
May 21, 1945 – February 7, 2017.
Aged 71 years.

Most recognized for: A slew of 70’s & 80’s TV appearances. Most notable of which would be his role as Captain Apollo on Battlestar Galactica… which was Star Trek’s retarded cousin.
 
 

The Joost is Loose

in Hits & Misses by
“Look out! Scum-half needs a half gram!”

Joost van der Westhuizen
Rugby star, Pretorian, hookers & blow enthusiast.
Feb. 20, 1971 – Feb. 6, 2017.
Aged 45 years.

Most recognized for: He was kinda/sorta the David Beckham of Int’l Rugby, but most folks just recognize his name from past dead pool lists.
Selected by: M. Poweleit, B. Hollander, Doug Graves, K. Laws, C. Capps, & J. Darr

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