Hait Crime

in Hits & Misses by
“Anybody smell that?
It suddenly smells like tacos in here…
and I hear footsteps downstairs.
Y’all locked the back door,

Jovenel Moïse
Head of state, plantocrat, target.
June 26, 1968 – July 7, 2021
Aged 53 years.

Most recognized for: Shifting from auto parts dealer to bio-ecological agriculturalist, Mr. Moïse spearheaded the expansion of a Haitian banana plantation for the purpose of exporting fruit to Germany. Although the project yielded poor results, the endeavor was enough to earn him the nickname “Banana Man.” He would go on to be elected Haiti’s 42’d president… only to be assassinated in his home by Spanish-speaking hitmen 4 years later