February 2019

Peter Tork –
Actor, musician, mop-topper.
February 13, 1942 – February 21, 2019.
Aged 77 years.

Most recognized for: Pete landed the gig as The Monkees‘ loveable dummy by referral of Stephen Stills, whom producers felt was too dentally and follically challenged for the role. And unlike the other chimps in the made-for-TV quartet, he actually was a skilled musician… eventually collaborating with George Harrison and David Crosby. Although he was successfully treated for a rare form of tongue cancer nearly a decade ago, no official word has yet been released as to what exactly put an end to Mr. Tork’s Monkee business.

Karl Lagerfeld –
Fashion designer, Kraut, fat shamer.
September 10, 1933 – February 19, 2019.
Aged 85 years.

Most recognized for: As creative director for Chanel, Fendi, and his own line overpriced rags, Karl made a tremendous impact on the world of high fashion… in spite of himself.  With his trademarked stiff collars, gawdy accessories, fingerless gloves, and ever-present sunglasses, he looked like a withered vampire quaker crashed their Vespa into Charming Charlie’s. Ending years of red carpet appearances, lifelessly draped over the shoulders of supermodels à la Bernie Lomax, the German dresser finally got drawered in a French morgue.

Gordon Banks –
FIFA Legend, Brit, hod carrier.
December 30, 1937 – February 12, 2019.
Aged 81 years.

Most recognized for: For a 10 year stretch, Mr. Banks was considered the world’s best goalkeeper. His save against Pelé in the 1970 World Cup is regarded as one of the sport’s all-time greatest moments. Shortly after losing an eye in a car accident, he retired in 1973. And after a battle with kidney cancer, came sudden death.

Selected by: Schlitz

Albert Finney –
Actor, 5x Oscar nominee, limey.
May 9, 1936 – February 7, 2019.
Aged 82 years.

Most recognized for: From prominence within the London theater circuit, he burst onto the big screen scene with the Academy-praised “Tom Jones” in ’63. He later played the title role in “Scrooge,” Daddy Warbucks in “Annie,” Julia Roberts’ boss in “Erin Brockovich,” and the caretaker of “Skyfall.”  So beloved by the British monarchy, they twice offered him fancy titles, including knighthood.  But Al kept it real… and told them to shove it.

Frank Robinson –
MLB HOF’er, outfielder, bat boy.
August 31, 1935 – February 7, 2019.
Aged 83 years.

Most recognized for: As a young slugger in Cincinnati, he tied the rookie record for home runs and set the club’s hitting percentage record at .554. Later in his career, he became MLB’s first African-American manager and then held a few high-level positions in the league’s offices. But after a battle with bone cancer, the black Red went code blue.

Julie Adams –
Actress, writer, fishwife.
October 17, 1926 – February 3, 2019.
Aged 92 years.

Most recognized for: Throughout the 50’s & 60’s, Ms. Adams starred in dozens of westerns & crime dramas with some of Hollywood’s biggest leading men, but it was her role as the bathing beauty in “Creature From the Black Lagoon” that cemented her place in film history… and added her to the call list for sh!tty sci-fi and horror conventions for the next 60 years.

Kristoff St. John –
Actor, soap star, lightweight.
July 15, 1966 – February 3, 2019.
Aged 52 years.

Most recognized for: In his younger days, Lil’ St. John landed appearances on “The Cosby Show,” “Family Matters,” and “That’s My Mama.” Then he became Neil Winters, a staple character on “The Young and the Restless.” Kristoff clung to this role through 1700 episodes, 25 years, and 2 Daytime Emmys… until one day, he drank himself to death. This post brought to you by: Hennessy. Mmmmm, Hennessy.

Dick Miller –
Actor, navy vet, everyman.
December 25, 1928 – January 30, 2019.
Aged 90 years.

Most recognized for: A seasoned character actor, Dick made appearances in over 170 film & TV productions, including Rodger Corman’s “Bucket of Blood,” “The Terminator,” “The ‘Burbs,” and “Gremlins.” His uncelebrated status as a Hollywood staple was the subject of a 2014 documentary “That Guy Dick Miller.” But at the ripe old age of 90, the hard-working Dick finally went limp.