Celebrity Dead Pool News for the Ghoulish and Depraved

Author

Der Kommissar

Der Kommissar has 576 articles published.

Low Travoltage

in Hits & Misses by
“Hello, Tom…
I don’t mind you coming over to ‘talk business’
with my husband, but keep your size fives
off of my fukking couch.”

Kelly Preston
Actress, model, beard.
October 13, 1962 – July 12, 2020.
Aged 57 years.

Most recognized for: In the 80’s, Kelly regularly played the blonde bimbo… both on & off the screen. She dated George Clooney, had an ugly break-up with Charlie Sheen, and then hitched her wagon to Scientology’s flyboy in 1991. She soon appeared with fellow Thetan Tom Cruise in “Jerry Maguire.” But just a few years after playing mobster wife Victoria Gotti alongside her real life hubby, Mrs. Travolta got unexpectedly whacked by the big C.

Unfit Fiddler

in Hits & Misses by
“Here’s a little honky-tonk,
foot stompin’ number I wrote called,
‘Fukk you, Iran. You’re next!’

Charlie Daniels
Singer, songwriter, longhaired country boy.
October 28, 1936 – July 6, 2020
Aged 83 years.

Most recognized for: Although skilled at multiple stringed instruments, he was best known for his violin playing… as exemplified in his 1979 hit “The Devil Went Down to Georgia.” Not to be confined to the simpler themes of Southern redneckery, Charlie also liked to dabble in politics… penning several patriotic songs about ‘Merica, her flag, and what happens to the dirty SOB’s who mess with either one.

Downs to Earth

in Hits & Misses by
“Remember when the news was
objective, unbiased, and educational?
[sniff] Me too,”
 

Hugh Downs
Broadcaster, 20/20 anchor, stoner.
February 14, 1921 – July 1, 2020.
Aged 99 years.

Most recognized for: Morning, primetime, late-night… game shows, talk shows, news shows… NBC, ABC, PBS… it seemed like you couldn’t escape him no matter how many times you changed the channel. At one point, Hugh had the Guinness World Record for the most hours on commercial network TV, before being surpassed by that camera whore Regis Philbin.

Selected by: Mpoweleit 1

Morto Maestro

in Hits & Misses by
“Shhh. Don’t tell anyone, but some of my best ideas come from playing Bee-Gees records backwards at half speed.”

Ennio Morricone
Composer, conductor, continentale.
November 10, 1928 – July 6, 2020.
Aged 91 years.

Most recognized for: During a career that spanned 7 decades, Mr. Morricone composed scores for over 400 international films and TV productions. He worked on all of Sergio Leone’s spaghetti westerns, including “The Good, the Bad, & the Ugly”… which stands as one of the most influential film scores in the history of cinema. But after complications from a nasty fall, he quickly went from sharp to flat.

The Short List – June ’20

in Hits & Misses by

Here we list the unselected celebs we either didn’t have time for… or who were just too boring to malign. So in case you were wondering “whatever happened to,” this monthly post may give you some unexpected closure.

June 1, 2020
  • Joey Image – Aged 63 years. Drummer for The Misfits in the late 70’s and briefly again durina 2017 reunion.
  • Pat Dye – Aged 80 years. College football coaching legend.
June 2, 2020
  • Wes Unseld – Aged 74 years. NBA player, coach and executive.
  • Majek Fashek – Aged 57 years. Nigerian singer-songwriter and guitarist.
  • Mary Pat Gleason – Aged 70 years. Film & TV actress known for playing heavyish mom roles.
June 3, 2020
June 4, 2020
  • Steve Priest – Aged 72 years. British musician, bass player & singer for “The Sweet.”
June 5, 2020
  • Kurt Thomas – Aged 64 years. American gold medal winning Olympic Gymnast.
  • Rupert Hine – Aged 72 years. English musician, songwriter and producer for several 80’s pop acts.
June 6, 2020
  • John Zook – Aged 72 years. NFL defensive end.
June 7, 2020
  • Ken Riley – Aged 72 years. Cornerback for the Bengals for his entire 15 year NFL career.
June 8, 2020
June 9, 2020
  • Paul Chapman – Aged 66 years. British guitarist known for work with UFO.
June 10, 2020
June 11, 2020
  • Mel Winkler – Aged 78 years. Actor and cartoon voice guy.
June 12, 2020
June 13, 2020
  • Mike McCormick – Aged 81 years. MLB pitcher, Cy Young Award winner.
June 14, 2020
June 15, 2020
  • Lilia Dizon – Aged 92 years. Filipina actress known for “The Moises Padilla Story”.
June 16, 2020
  • Charles Webb – Aged 81 years. American novelist and author of “The Graduate.”
June 17, 2020
  • Jean Kennedy Smith – Aged 92 years. Diplomat & activist, US Ambassador to Ireland, and sister of JFK & RFK.
  • Willie Thorne – Aged 66 years. English pr snooker champ and commentator.
June 18, 2020
June 19, 2020
  • Ian Holm – Aged 88 years. British actor in “Alien,” “The Fifth Element,” and Bilbo Baggins in “The Lord of the Rings” trilogy.
June 20, 2020
  • Jim Kiick – Aged 73 years. NFL RB, member of of the Dolphins’ 1973 undefeated team.
June 21, 2020
  • Ken Snow – Aged 50 years. MLS and US nation team pro soccer player.
June 22, 2020
  • Steve Bing – Aged 55 years. American businessman, film producer, and Elizabeth Hurley’s baby daddy.
June 23, 2020
  • Michael Falzon – Aged 48 years. Australian theater actor and producer.
June 24, 2020
  • Eddie Kasko – Aged 88 years. MLB player, manager, and 2x All-star.
June 25, 2020
  • Huey – Aged 31 years. Rapper best known for his single “Pop, Lock & Drop It”.
June 26, 2020
  • Milton Glaser – Aged 91 years. Graphic designer who came up with ‘I [heart] New York.’.
  • Kelly Asbury – Aged 60 years. Director of animated films, including ‘Shrek 2.’.
June 27, 2020
  • Linda Cristal – Aged 86 years. Award winning actress known for her work in Westerns.
  • Freddy Cole – Aged 88 years. Jazz singer and pianist of the famous Cole family.
  • Pete Carr – Aged 70 years. Lead guitarist for the famed Muscle Shoals Rhythm Section.
June 28, 2020
  • Marián Čišovský – Aged 40 years. Slovakian footballer and ALS case..
  • Joe Bugel – Aged 80 years. 2X Super Bowl winning coach for the Washington Redskins.
June 29, 2020
  • Johnny Mandel – Aged 94 years. Composer responsible for the MASH theme song “Suicide is Painless.”
June 30, 2020
  • Dan Hicks – Aged 68 years. Actor from “Evil Dead II” & “Darkman.”

Better Not Call Saul

in Hits & Misses by
“Alright, Dick.
Let’s get on with it.
Do I have to show you how to do
everything?”
 

Carl Reiner
Actor, writer/director, atheist jew.
March 20, 1922 – June 29, 2020.
Aged 98 years.

Most recognized for: To make a ridiculous Seinfeld comparison, Carl was the Larry David of 60’s television… as he was the brains behind “The Dick Van Dyke Show.” He also directed “The Jerk,” “Summer Rental,” “Summer School,” and played Saul Bloom in the “Oceans” movies. Alas, the true tragedy of his passing lies in his inability to somehow take his son Rob with him.

Selected by Dr. Death 1.

Lost Boy

in Hits & Misses by
“Yep.
The Coreys too.
Nailed ’em both.”

Joel Schumacher
Filmmaker, writer, man whore.
August 29, 1939 – June 22, 2020.
Aged 80 years.

Most recognized for: He directed “St. Elmo’s Fire,” “The Lost Boys,” “Flatliners,” “Falling Down,” “A Time to Kill,” “The Client,” “8mm,” and “The Incredible Shrinking Woman.” The openly gay and highly promiscuous Mr. Schumacher (who claimed to have over 20K dudes under his belt) also gave us the Clooney & Kilmer Batman movies…. which might explain the nipples on the Batsuit.

Hit the Wall

in Hits & Misses by
“Hey..
I never promised anything
to anybody. Grow up, Rodger.
You bloody crybaby.”

Vera Lynn
Singer, centenarian, sweetheart.
March 20, 1917 – June 18, 2020.
Aged 103 years.

Most recognized for: During WWII, she was the singing pin-up princess for the British Armed Forces… regularly playing concerts for troops abroad. Back home, her sentimental ballads instilled hope of soldiers’ return to their families… which didn’t happen for everyone. For this, Pink Floyd’s Rodger Waters would later take a swipe at Ms. Lynn on 1979’s “The Wall.”

Selected by: Dr. Death 2

Dis-a-Pointer

in Hits & Misses by
“Miss?!
I’m a Ma’am!
Bow down, bitches!”
 

Bonnie Pointer
Singer, soloist, sister.
July 11, 1950 – June 8, 2020.
Aged 69 years.

Most recognized for: Bonnie was one of the two siblings that founded the The Pointer Sisters in 1969. Before they would hit their stride as an R&B hit machine in the 80’s, Bonnie split from her sisters in 1977 to make some disco records on her own… with modest success. But amidst troubled times in Los Angeles, the “Free Me from My Freedom” singer was granted an unexpected wish from the forces of cosmic justice.

Ex Player

in Hits & Misses by
“So I should try using…
what did you call it?…
the ‘Dark Web ‘?
You mean, like, after the sun
goes down and sh!t?”

Reche Caldwell
NFL receiver, Gator, felon.
March 28, 1979 – June 6, 2020.
Aged 41 years.

Most recognized for: A hot-shot 3-sport high-schooler, Reche was drafted by the Cincinnati Reds in 1998, but decided to go play college football for Steve Spurrier instead. But after a 1,000 yard season at Florida, his hands became wildly inconsistent in the pro’s. So he turned to typing. That is, typing into Google: “how can I buy synthetic MDMA in bulk from China by mail.” A few years in Federal Prison later, he got shot during a robbery. By whom? It doesn’t matter.

The Short List – May ’20

in Hits & Misses by

Here we list the unselected celebs we either didn’t have time for… or who were just too boring to malign. So in case you were wondering “whatever happened to,” this monthly post may give you some unexpected closure.

May 1, 2020
  • Matt Keough – Aged 64 years. All-star pitcher for the Oakland A’s.
May 2, 2020
  • Cady Groves – Aged 30 years. Pop-country songstress.
May 3, 2020
  • John Ericson – Aged 93 years. German-American film & TV actor who starred in “Pretty Boy Floyd.”
May 4, 2020
May 5, 2020
  • Millie Small – Aged 73 years. Jamaican singer-songwriter, best known for her 1964 recording of “My Boy Lollipop”.
May 6, 2020
  • Brian Howe – Aged 66 years. Rock vocalist for Bad Company and Ted Nugent.
May 7, 2020
  • Ty – Aged 47 years. British rapper and Mercury Prize nominee.
May 8, 2020
  • Mark Barkan – Aged 85 years. American songwriter and record producer.
May 9, 2020
  • Geno Silva – Aged 72 years. Bit role actor who killed Tony Montana in “Scarface.”
May 10, 2020
  • Betty Wright – Aged 66 years. American soul and R&B singer.
May 11, 2020
  • Moon Martin – Aged 69 years. American singer-songwriter.
May 12, 2020
  • Michel Piccoli – Aged 94 years. French actor, producer and film director with a career spanning 70 years.
  • Astrid Kirchherr – Aged 81 years. Photographer for The Beatles.
May 13, 2020
  • Andy Thompson – Aged 57 years. American politician, Ohio state rep.
May 14, 2020
  • Phyllis George – Aged 70 years. American businesswoman, actress, and sportscaster.
May 15, 2020
  • Lynn Shelton – Aged 54 years. American filmmaker known for such films as “Humpday” and “Your Sister’s Sister.”
May 16, 2020
  • Michael McCaskey – Aged 76 years. American sports executive, former chairman of the Chicago Bears.
May 17, 2020
  • Shad Gaspard – Aged 39 years. Professional wrestler and actor.
  • Peter Thomas – Aged 94 years. German composer who scored for film & TV for over 50 years.
May 18, 2020
  • Willie K – Aged 59 years. Grammy nominated Hawaiian musician.
May 19, 2020
  • Ravi Zacharias – Aged 74 years. Indian author and christian evangelist.
May 20, 2020
May 21, 2020
  • Bobby Digital – Aged 59 years. Jamaican reggae and dancehall producer.
May 22, 2020
  • Ashley Cooper – Aged 83 years. Australian pro tennis player, multiple Grand Slam tourney winner.
May 23, 2020
  • Eddie Sutton – Aged 84 years. American college basketball coach.
May 24, 2020
  • Jimmy Cobb – Aged 91 years. American jazz drummer, Miles Davis collaborator.
May 25, 2020
  • Bucky Baxter – Aged 65 years. American guitarist noted for work with Bob Dylan.
May 26, 2020
  • Irmgard Hermann – Aged 87 years. German actress of over 160 film and TV productions.
  • Richard Herd – Aged 87 years. American actor who played Mr. Wilhelm, George’s boss on “Seinfeld.”
May 27, 2020
  • Sam Johnson – Aged 89 years. American politician, member of the U.S. House of Representatives.
May 28, 2020
  • Charlie Monttana – Aged 58 years. Mexican rock urbano musician and songwriter.
May 29, 2020
  • Bob Kulick – Aged 70 years. American guitarist and record producer, worked with Kiss and W.A.S.P.
May 30, 2020
  • Michael Angelis – Aged 68 years. British actor known as the voice from “Thomas & Friends.”
  • Michel Gauthier – Aged 70 years. Canadian politician.
May 31, 2020
  • Christo – Aged 84 years. Bulgarian-born American artist.

No Bull

in Hits & Misses by
“As long as we’re not
counting race car driving, I’m the
3rd goddamned sports hit this year!”

Jerry Sloan
NBA’er, coach, honky.
March 28, 1942 – May 22, 2020.
Aged 78 years.

Most recognized for: Nicknamed “The Original Bull,” Jerry was Chicago’s star shooting guard 10 years and was the first of the franchise to have his number retired. He later became head coach of the Utah Jazz for a span of 23 years, racking up over 1200 wins. But only 4 years after a Parkinson’s diagnosis, Mr. Sloan got benched for good.

Selected by Tote Menschen & Schlitz

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