Celebrity Dead Pool News for the Ghoulish and Depraved

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Der Kommissar

Der Kommissar has 718 articles published.

Down Ward & Out Ward

in Hits & Misses by
“When a co-star starts hamming it up,
sometimes the best medicine is to just
grab ’em by the Bacon bits. Savvy?”

Fred Ward
Actor, producer, graboid gitter.
December 30, 1942 – May 8, 2022.
Aged 79 years.

Most recognized for: Fred worked as a tunnel rat, a lumberjack, a short order cook, a janitor, and a mime before landing his first big role in Eastwood’s “Escape From Alcatraz.” Soon after, he got sh!t wrong in “The Right Stuff”, walked on water in “Remo Williams,” got his Bacon’s Law degree in “Tremors,” and tried bombing the Oscars in “The Naked Gun 33 & 1/3.” But then, Fred mysteriously dropped dead.

Green Around the Gilley’s

in Hits & Misses by
“It’s my club…
and I’ll suck if I want to.
Suck if I want to… suck if I want to.”

Mickey Gilley
Singer, songwriter, sellout.
March 9, 1936 – May 7, 2022.
Aged 86 years.

Most recognized for: Mickey was a small-time country singer and big honky-tonk owner until a few hits in the 70’s put him in the spotlight. He soon jumped onto the pop-country crossover bandwagon just as his club became the stage for a little Travolta flick called “Urban Cowboy.” As the 80’s drew on, it became clear that the zenith of Mickey’s stardom had come to pass…and several years later so did Mickey.

The Short List – April ’22

in Hits & Misses by

Each month, we list the unselected dead celebs we either didn’t have time to report on… or who were just too boring to malign. So in case you were wondering “whatever happened to,” this monthly post may give you some unexpected closure.

April 1, 2022
  • C.W. McCall – Aged 93 years. Truck-driving country singer of “Convoy.”
April 2, 2022
  • Estelle Harris – Aged 93 years. Actress who played George’s mother on “Seinfeld.”
April 3, 2022
  • Gene Shue – Aged 90 years. 5X NBA All-star & 2X Coach of the Year.
April 4, 2022
  • Joe Messina – Aged 93 years. Mowtown’s Funk Brothers guitarist dubbed the “white brother with soul.”
  • Kathy Lamkin – Aged 74 years. Actress with small parts in big movies.
April 5, 2022
  • Bobby Rydell – Aged 79 years. 60’s teen idol, singer of “Wild One.”
April 6, 2022
  • Rae Allen – Aged 95 years. Tony winning stage and screen actress seen in “The Sopranos” and “Stargate.”
  • Rayfield Wright – Aged 76 years. Hall of Fame O-lineman for the Cowboys..”
April 7, 2022
April 8, 2022
  • Edwin Kantar – Aged 89 years. World champion card player and author.
April 9, 2022
April 10, 2022
  • Joe Horlen – Aged 84 years. All-star pitcher for Oakland’s ’72 championship team.
  • John Drew – Aged 67 years. 2X NBA All-star and first player banned under the substance abuse policy.
April 11, 2022
  • Charnett Moffett – Aged 54 years. American jazz bassist who’s worked with just about everybody.
April 12, 2022
  • Shirley Spork – Aged 94 years. Pro golfer and LPGA founder.
  • Sonny Caldinez – Aged 89 years. Wrestler & actor with small roles in “Raiders of the Lost Ark” and “The Fifth Element.”
April 13, 2022
  • Tom McCarthy – Aged 61 years. Drug-running hockey player.”
April 14, 2022
  • Rio Hackford – Aged 51 years. Actor known for playing Toby on HBO’s “Treme”
April 15, 2022
  • Liz Sheridan – Aged 93 years. Actress who played Jerry’s mother on “Seinfeld.”
  • Mike Bossy – Aged 65 years. Hall of Fame right wing for The Islanders’ 80’s dynasty team.
April 16, 2022
  • David Leeson – Aged 64 years. Pulitzer-winning war photojournalist.
April 17, 2022
  • Jim Hartz – Aged 82 years. Barbara Walters’ co-host of “The Today Show.”
  • DJ Kay Slay – Aged 55 years. American DJ & record executive.
April 18, 2022
  • Sid Mark – Aged 88 years. Syndicated radio host of “Sunday with Sinatra.”
April 19, 2022
  • Brad Ashford – Aged 72 years. US congressman from Nebraska.
  • Garland Boyette – Aged 82 years. All-star linebacker for the Houston Oilers.
  • Freeman Williams – Aged 65 years. 2X NCAA season scoring leader who appeared in “White Men Can’t Jump.”
  • Kane Tanaka – Aged 119 years. World’s oldest person since 2018.
April 20, 2022
  • Robert Morse – Aged 90 years. Emmy and Tony-winning actor seen in AMC’s “Mad Men.”
  • Guitar Shorty – Aged 87 years. Blues guitarist/singer credited with influencing both Jimi Hendrix and Buddy Guy.
April 21, 2022
April 22, 2022
  • Guy Lafleur – Aged 70 years. Hall of Fame right wing who won 5 Stanley Cups.
April 23, 2022
  • Orrin Hatch – Aged 88 years. Utah senator who was the GOP’s longest-serving in history.
  • John Stofa – Aged 79 years. QB who became the Bengals’ first signed player and thrower of the team’s first touchdown.
  • Arno – Aged 72 years. Belgian singer & actor.
April 24, 2022
  • Richie Moran – Aged 85 years. American Hall of Fame lacrosse player and coach.
April 25, 2022
  • J. Roy Rowland – Aged 96 years. US congressman form Georgia.
  • Andrew Woolfolk – Aged 71 years. Sax player for Earth, Wind, & Fire.
  • Shane Yellowbird – Aged 42 years. Canadian country music singer-songwriter who wrote “Pickup Truck.”
April 26, 2022
  • Klaus Schulze – Aged 74 years. German electronic music pioneer & member of Tangerine Dream.
April 27, 2022
  • Judy Henske – Aged 85 years. American singer & songwriter dubbed “the Queen of the Beatniks.”
  • Bob Elkins – Aged 89 years. Character actor who appeared in “The Coal Miner’s Daughter.”
April 28, 2022
  • Neal Adams – Aged 80 years. Highly influential comic book artist.
April 29, 2022
  • Joanna Barnes – Aged 87 years. TV actress and author of home decorating books.
April 30, 2022
  • Gabe Serbian – Aged 44 years. Acclaimed drummer for extreme metal acts The Locust, Cattle Decapitation, and Head Wound City.

Lest Ye Be Juddged

in Hits & Misses by
“I once ate a burger…
this big, y’all.”

Naomi Judd
Singer, actor, crazy redhead.
January 11, 1946 – April 30, 2022.
Aged 76 years.

Most recognized for: As The Judds, Naomi and her daughter Wynonna were one of country music’s most successful duos… until she was sidelined by hep-C in 1991. Then came obscurity, weight gain, shi++y acting gigs, Judds reunion, weight loss, Oprah appearance, reality show, another reunion, lithium, and one day before her Country Music Hall of Fame induction, suicide.

Never Too Soon

in Hits & Misses by
“I see a lot of hot Ukranian broads on TV these days.
But these mass graves they’re in…
it’s such a turn off. “

Gilbert Gottfried
Comedian, Actor, Aristocrat.
February 28, 1955 – April 12, 2022
Aged 67 years.

Most recognized for: His shrill squawkiness made him a perfect voice for Disney parrots & insurance ducks… but Gilbert’s brutal standup was not for the timid. Mass casualties and the recently deceased were often targets of his machine-gunned ramblings… often to the dismay of the audience. Well, most of the audience. Far be it from us to judge someone for poking fun at a dead man.

Trucked Off

in Hits & Misses by
“Is it just me?…
or does that dump truck appear to be…
getting closer?”

Dwayne Haskins
Quarterback, MVP, speed bump.
May 3, 1997 – April 9, 2022.
Aged 24 years.

Most recognized for: Dwayne set school and conference records his sophomore year at Ohio State, placing 3rd in the Heisman voting for 2018. So he made the smart move… and bailed on college. He was drafted by the Redskins in the first round and ultimately signed with the Steelers for a shot at replacing Big Ben. But he’ll miss this season’s home opener in Pittsburgh… as he’s reportedly stuck out on the road somewhere in Florida.

The Short List – March ’22

in Hits & Misses/News & Updates by

Each month, we list the unselected dead celebs we either didn’t have time to report on… or who were just too boring to malign. So in case you were wondering “whatever happened to,” this monthly post may give you some unexpected closure.

March 1, 2022
  • Conrad Janis – Aged 94 years. American film & TV actor who played Midy’s dad on “Mork & Mindy.”
  • Warner Mack – Aged 86 years. Country singer/songwriter with nearly 2 dozen hits from the 50’s to the 80’s.
March 2, 2022
  • Alan Ladd Jr. – Aged 84 years. 20th Century Fox producer who greenlit “Star Wars” and won an Oscar for “Braveheart.”
  • Johnny Brown – Aged 84 years. Singer & actor who played the superintendent on “Good Times” and appeared on just about every black sitcom that came after.
  • John Stahl – Aged 68 years. Scottish actor who played Rickard Karstark on “Game of Thrones.”
  • Tony Walton – Aged 87 years. Tony, Emmy, And Oscar-winning set designer who built the world of “Mary Poppins” and “The Wiz.”
March 3, 2022
  • Tim Considine – Aged 81 years. Actor known for Disney flicks, early seasons of “My Three Sons,” and getting bitch-slapped in “Patton.”
  • Walter Mears – Aged 87 years. Pulitzer Prize-winning journalist.
March 4, 2022
  • Jimbeau Hinson – Aged 70 years. The Oak Ridge Boys collaborator who wrote the #1 country hit “Fancy Free.”
March 5, 2022
  • Roy Winston – Aged 81 years. Vikings linebacker who played in 4 of their Super Bowl appearances.
March 6, 2022
  • Kenneth Ives – Aged 87 years. British TV actor known best by “Doctor Who” nerds.
March 7, 2022
  • Jeremy Child – Aged 77 years. Titled British actor with small roles in bug films.
March 8, 2022
  • Johnny Grier – Aged 74 years. NFL’s first black referee.
  • Grandpa Elliott – Aged 77 years. NOLA based street musician who became a viral sensation. Also went by the name “Uncle Remus.”
March 9, 2022
  • Jimmy Lydon – Aged 98 years. American actor who got his start in the 30’s.
March 10, 2022
  • Emilio Delgado – Aged 81 years. Fix-it shop owner Luis on “Sesame Street” for 45 years.
March 11, 2022
  • Rupiah Banda – Aged 85 years. 4th President of Zambia
  • Brad Martin – Aged 48 years. Country music singer-songwriter who broke out in the early aughts.
March 12, 2022
  • Traci Braxton – Aged 50 years. Singing sister outshined by her sibling Toni.
March 13, 2022
  • Brent Renaud – Aged 50 years. American documentary filmmaker killed in Ukraine.
March 14, 2022
  • Akira Takarada – Aged 87 years. Japanese actor known for appearing in 6 Godzilla movies.
March 15, 2022
  • Jean Potvin – Aged 72 years. Defenceman for the New York Islanders’ ’80 & ’81 Stanley Cup champion teams.
March 16, 2022
  • Vic Fazio – Aged 79 years. California congressman.
  • Ralph Terry – Aged 86 years. Yankees starting pitcher and 1962 World Series MVP.
March 17, 2022
  • Peter Bowles – Aged 85 years. English stage and television actor.
March 18, 2022
  • Don Young – Aged 88 years. GOP’s longest-serving member of congress, representing Alasks for 49 years.
  • John Clayton – Aged 67 years. Eggheaded sports journalist and ESPN personality.
March 19, 2022
  • Pat Goss – Aged 80 years. TV gearhead who hosted “MotorWeek’s” regular segment “Goss’ Garage.”
March 20, 2022
  • Tom Young – Aged 89 years. NCAA basketball head coach.
March 21, 2022
  • LaShun Pace – Aged 60 years. Gospel singer & evangelist who appeared in “Leap of Faith.”
March 22, 2022
  • Ted Mooney – Aged 70 years. American novelist.
March 23, 2022
  • Madeleine Albright – Aged 84 years. Clinton’s Secretary of State and US ambassador to the UN.
March 24, 2022
  • Gil Stein – Aged 94 years. 5th president of the NHL.
March 25, 2022
  • Keith Martin – Aged 55 years. Hit lovesong writer who penned “Because of You.”
March 26, 2022
  • Jeff Carson – Aged 58 years. American country music artist with a string of hits in the late 90’s & early ’00s.
March 27, 2022
March 28, 2022
  • Marvin J. Chomsky – Aged 92 years. Emmy-winning TV director of “Star Trek” and “Gunsmoke.”
March 29, 2022
  • Paul Herman – Aged 76 years. Actor who regularly played degenerates and greaseballs.
March 30, 2022
  • Nathaniel Ian Wynter – Aged 67 years. Jamaican musician who worked with Bob Marley & the Wailers.
March 31, 2022

Want Not

in Hits & Misses by
“Wow.
You guys must really
dislike my music.”

Tom Parker
Singer, Brit, boy.
August 4, 1988 – March 30, 2022.
Aged 33 years.

Most recognized for: Boy band music… an unwaning scourge of the airwaves. Truly the devil’s music. Back in 2010, UK’s The Wanted were the turd-du-jour in the pop culture punchbowl. Tom and his pack of pre-teen pin-ups debuted at #1 on the pop charts with their single “All Time Low.” But after a battle with glioblastoma, Mr. Parker managed to sink even lower.

Selected by: MPoweleit1, Pille, Schlitz, R.Flesh, A.Cadaver, J-Ro, T.Menschen

The Fight’s Over

in Hits & Misses by
[teeth grinding]
“God damn it feels good to
be back in Columbia!”
[sniff]

Taylor Hawkins
Drummer, Foo Fighter, Coattail Rider.
February 17, 1972 – March 25, 2022.
Aged 50 years.

Most recognized for: The pressure of playing drums in a band fronted by Dave Grohl is not for the faint of heart. Just ask that clown from Sunny Day Real Estate. Mr. Hawkins, on the other hand, had what it took to answer the call… 25 years ago. Alas, time and pressure have a way of breaking down even the toughest slabs of meat. Just before a scheduled appearance at a Bogata music festival, Taylor suffered chest pains… and soon joined Dave’s growing list of dead blonde-haired bandmates.

Hurt’s No Good

in Hits & Misses by
“If you’re already having difficulty
communicating with women, I wouldn’t recommend
dating a deaf one. Trust me.”

William Hurt
Actor, Oscar winner, Thunderbolt.
March 20, 1950 – March 13, 2022.
Aged 71 years.

Most recognized for: An 80’s leading man with a string of Oscar nods, Mr. Hurt’s pert smile and boyish charm made the perfect cover for his abusive cokehead alter ego. Just ask ex-girlfriend and “Children of a Lesser God” co-star Marlee Matlin… whose 2009 memoirs claim that sh!t got rapey at times. “Marlee WHO?” you ask? You don’t recall hearing that name before? Don’t worry… neither does she.

Say Goodbye to the Bad Guy

in Hits & Misses by
“Heeeyyyy!
It looks like you missed me, Thunderpants!”

Scott Hall
Wrestler, nWo founder, heel.
October 20, 1958 – March 14, 2022.
Aged 63 years.

Most recognized for: Scott’s Scarface-inspired character Razor Ramon would strut into the ring covered in grease & gold chains while flicking toothpicks at people… just like every other assh0le in Miami at the time. But booze and benzos would later cripple the once towering spectacle of sweat & stubble… and after complications related to hip surgery, Razor went over the edge.

Dharma’s a Bitch

in Hits & Misses by
“OK. Gary out… stunt double in.
We’re doing it for real this time.
Let’s see that arm, Rich.”

Mitchell Ryan
Actor, navy vet, Cincy boy.
January 11, 1934 – March 4, 2022.
Aged 88 years.

Most recognized for: Mitch’s mug spent 6 decades on the boob tube, but he also landed film roles… appearing with Clint in “Magnum Force” and “High Plains Drifter.” But to us at the DRCDP, he’ll always be General McCallister… the heroin kingpin who scorched Busey’s arm in the Oscar-snubbed 80’s classic “Lethal Weapon.” By comparison, 5 seasons of “Dharma & Greg” don’t mean a sh!t.

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