The New Sh!t

in News & Updates by

Attention all ye bloodthirsty vultures: It’s that time of the year again. It’s time to start compiling your research for 2019’s pool! What better way to avoid another lame conversation with the dullards at your family’s Christmas gatherings than by openly obsessing over ailing and aging celebrities. Yield NOT to the banality of “how’s work going?” or “crazy weather we’re having, right?” Sorry, Uncle Fred. Can’t talk. Deadpooling. That’s right… it’s a verb now.

OK… historically, most folks can get their sh!t on a spit before the New Years deadline… and your commissioner thanks you for your promptness. You know who you are. On the other hand, there are always folks that wake up hungover January 1st… covered in blank shame and the stale stench of regurgitated Corbel… whose unfinished list becomes a casualty of yet another Christmas break bender. And then you have the flakes at the office. In spite of their emphatic, repeated proclamations that they “are totally down this year,” the only thing they deliver on when January 2nd rolls around is disappointment. Let’s face it: with all the sh!t that most of us have going on during the last week of the year, it can be tough to set aside the time. If only we had a little more. Who says we can’t have it?

This gives you a full week – unencumbered by holiday obligations – to get it all together. Now, before any crazed traditionalists get up in arms about this, just know that we’re not the first dead pool to create this buffer… we’re just catching up. Why change? Quite simply: greed. The hope is that by moving the deadline a little bit past Ryan Seacrest’s marathon of lip syncing wash-ups this will allow more time for more lists to be submitted. More lists = larger pool… which means… well, you get it. This is not a “gambling website.” Keep that in mind.

Now… we know what you’re thinking. “What if somebody dies within that first week of the year?” A valid question. The answer: Nothing. January 1st thru 7th becomes – what other CDPs have aptly named – “The Dead Zone.” As previously stated, we’re not the first to do this. Celebrities that expire inside this window of time are out of playeven if you have them listed as a selection on a submitted list. So if you picked Bob Barker and he croaks on January 5th, no points… not for you or anybody. Bob’s slot will be backfilled by your next available substitute selection. It doesn’t happen all that often, but that’s The Dead Zone. And trust us… without going too in-depth about it, this little moratorium on corpse counting is a big help for those of us on the administrative end of this macabre sideshow. So before anybody starts bitching about getting only 51 weeks instead of 52, read on.

To make up for lost game time, we’re going to give you more chances to score this upcoming year. Not 10…. but 12 PICKS! Starting in 2019, each list will allow for selection of up to a dozen qualified celebrities. You’ll still need to submit back-ups to cover for possible disqualifications or Dead Zone casualties. We’re going to require 3 per list… and this is for your own good. Submit 15, but only your top 12 living qualifiers will be put in play. So if you can’t decide which of 3 aging wrestlers to pick this year… take all 3! Happy now fukkers? It’s not quite an Oprah car giveaway, but it’s close.

The list submission form will be activated within the next 2 weeks… probably closer to New Years Eve. Look for an aptly titled news posting and/or a direct link to it in the main menu. If you can’t find it, you’re absolutely retarded. Sorry… no time for political correctness here, uncle Fred. Deadpooling.

The Rules & Reg’s page will be updated shortly to reflect these new pronouncements. In the meantime: research, recruit, and remember…. 2018’s not over yet. Stay tuned.

-Der Kommissar