Celebrity Dead Pool News for the Ghoulish and Depraved


Der Kommissar - page 62

Der Kommissar has 756 articles published.

Get Dead

in Hits & Misses by
“Fuck it.”

Dick Gautier
Actor, comedian, game show panelist.
October 30, 1931 – January 13, 2017.
Aged 85 years.

Most recognized for: Played Hymie the Robot on TV’s “Get Smart” and was the voice of a few Transformers back in the 80’s.

Tails, You Lose

in Hits & Misses by
“This one’s for you, Valenzuela.”

Tommy Allsup
Musician, producer, lucky summbitch.
November 24, 1931 – January 11, 2017.
Aged 85 years.

Most recognized for: Lost the coin toss with Ritchie Valenz for the last seat on Buddy Holly’s plane.   So technically, he won.

Stamped Tramp

in Hits & Misses by
“I’ve been married five times. What harm could Sinatra possibly do to me at this point?’

Buddy Greco
Pop singer, arranger/conductor, Las Vegas lounge act.
August 14, 1926 – January 10, 2017.
Aged 90 years.

Most recognized for: He sold more copies of “The Lady is a Tramp” than Sinatra. Suck it, ‘Ol Blue eyes.

Hot in Cleveland, Cold in Van Nuys

in Hits & Misses by
“You wanna see pics of my sweet rack? You’re gonna have to google that shit, son.”

Francine York
Actress, sweater model, 60’s sexpot.
August 26, 1936 – January 6, 2017.
Aged 80 years.

Most recognized for: Corny Jerry Lewis movies, villainous roles in 60’s TV shows like Batman and Lost in Space, and having a really sweet rack.

One Death at a Time

in Hits & Misses by
“Did somebody call for a drain snake?”

Pat Harrington Jr.
Actor, game show host, guy with the creepy mustache.
August 13, 1929 – January 6, 2016.
Aged 86 years.

Most recognized for: As apartment complex superintendent Schneider on TV’s One Day at a Time, he made most renters stop & ask themselves: “does the janitor have a key to my place?… and how safe does that really make me feel?”

The Results are In!

in News & Updates by

Well… it’s official.  2016’s champion is Mr. Colin Capps. A round of forced applause and a few spiteful slaps on the back are in order for this gentleman. He racked up a staggering 139 points with just 4 hits, including Muhammed Ali, Rob Ford, Martin Crowe, and the King of Thailand.

So… as they say… whoever they may be: “to the victor go the spoils.” VP & Treasurer Dr. Death has already dispatched his carrier pigeons to deliver your prize package, Mr. Capps. May it bring you much joy and satisfaction… fukker.

For the curious, here are the results for 2016:

  • 1st Place: C. Capps – 4 hits, 139 points
  • 2nd place: J. Miller – 3 hits, 84 points
  • 3rd place: J. Darr – 4 hits, 71 points
  • 4th: C. Osmer – 2 hits, 66 points
  • 5th: K. Laws – 3 hits, 54 points
  • 6th: M. Poweleit – 2 hits, 53 points
  • 7th: C. Rich – 2 hits, 36 points
  • 8th (tie): Dr. Death & S. Darr – 3 hits, 33 points each
  • 9th: B. Douglas – 1 hit, 26 points
  • 10th: J. Stautberg – 1 hit, 10 points

The rest had less than 10 points. We even had three 0-fers, if you can believe it. Can you believe it Thunderpants?

Anyway, that was then… and this is right fukken now! 2017. It’s on! We’ve got 42 lists this year, people. The selection pool holds 169 individual celebrities… any of which could drop dead at any moment. A prize package 2 1/2 times the size of 2016’s hangs in the balance. Dr. Death is going to have to employ TWO pigeons come January of next year just to fly all this shit out to the winner. A big thanks to everyone who is participating this year. Welcome newbies and returning veterans. And a friendly middle-finger to all the spectators. Hopefully we can lure you out of the bleachers and onto the playing field in 2018. In the meantime, enjoy the show.

Punjabi Passage

in Hits & Misses by
“Drop the tandoori chicken and step away from the buffet, asshole.”

Om Puri
Actor, Bollywood stud, curry fiend.
October 18, 1950 – January 6, 2017.
Aged 66 years.

Most recognized for: Roles in “The Ghost & the Darkness,” “Wolf,” and “City of Joy”… along with countless other Indian films that you’ll never see.

Almost There!!

in News & Updates by

All lists and selections have been posted.  However, we’re still working on some of the functionality of the site.

Participants: keep an eye on your in-box for a message containing your login & password.  The default is some insanely long string of letters & numbers, but you can change it to whatever is easy to remember once you’re logged in.  “Why do I need to be logged in?” you ask?  In order to post comments you must a) be a registered participant… and b) be logged in.  The login link is on the home page under “Meta.” It may take some extra time to get the Shit Talk forum built, so in the meantime feel free to make comments on any post & get the ball rolling.

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