Hits & Misses - page 37

Frank Avruch –
TV Personality, Bostonian, clown.
May 21, 1928 – March 20, 2018.
Aged 89 years.

Most recognized for: Much to the chagrin of coulrophobic bedwetters, Bozo the Clown was a national TV phenomenon once upon a time.  Stations in larger TV markets would pay for franchise rights to have their own Bozo on staff. Everyone else ran a syndicated broadcast out of WCVB in Boston, of which Ol’ Frank was the star for over 20 years… blazing a trail for other syndicated clowns, like Tavis Smiley.

Louise Slaughter –
Congresswoman, microbiologist, Wildcat.
August 14, 1929 – March 16, 2018.
Aged 88 years.

Most recognized for: Louise was the oldest member of the US House of Representatives when she joined the great majority. The upstate NY rep with a subtle Kentucky drawl managed to hold her seat for 3 decades, was frequently called “a tireless voice for women’s rights,” and was author of the STOCK Act. But after a bad fall left her with a concussed melon, that was all she wrote.

Tom Benson –
NFL Owner, NBA owner, waffler.
July 12, 1927 – March 15, 2018.
Aged 90.

Most recognized for: Tom sold Chevys in N’awlins, but moved to San Antonio to buy a dealership. Then he bought some banks… and eventually an NFL team. In the years surrounding Hurricane Katrina, he issued and retracted multiple threats to move the Saints to San Antonio… which really pissed off New Orleans Mayor & chocolatier Ray Nagin. And for that, Tom, we thank you.

Donna Butterworth –
Actress, musician, burned-out child star.
February 23, 1956 – March 6, 2018.
Aged 62 years.

Most recognized for: While location scouting for an Elvis movie in Hawaii, producers discovered the precocious, ukelele-playing little miss Butterworth and cast her opposite the King in the 1966 musical turd “Paradise, Hawaiian Style.” She also starred in “The Family Jewels,” a Jerry Lewis disaster where he played all 7 of Donna’s character’s uncles. But after working a Disney gig with little Ronnie Howard in ’67, she gave up acting for a career of telling people that she knew Elvis.

Stephen Hawking –
Physicist, cosmologist, smarty pants.
January 8, 1942 – March 14, 2018.
Aged 76 years.

Most recognized for: He’s that crippled scientist you see on TV with the voice of a Speak & Spell.  When not making people feel uncomfortable on the Discovery Channel, Steve would occasionally pop up in the media to issue some grim warning about how aliens, AI, or some cosmic anomaly will usher in humanity’s annihilation.

Selected by: Mike Poweleit 1, Death’s Dick 1, Lou Gherig’s ALStars

Nokie Edwards –
Musician, actor, injun.
May 9, 1935 – March 12, 2018.
Aged 82 years.

Most recognized for: As guitarist for surf-rock pioneers The Ventures, he was the first to introduce many guitar effects to popular music… making his sound pivotal in the evolution of rock music.  Hits like “Walk, Don’t Run” became required learning for young pickers while the theme to “Hawaii Five-O” kept them glued to the boob tube. Then, Nokie’s bum hip wiped him out.

Craig Mack –
Rapper, bad boy, fringe zealot.
May 10, 1971 – March 12, 2018.
Aged 46 years.

Most recognized for: Craig had some early success on Puff Doodie’s record label with his hit “Flava in Ya Ear”… until Biggie Smalls eclipsed the Bad Boy Entertainment spotlight. He would later renounce the wickedness of fame to join a conspiracy-based Christian doomsday cult in South Carolina. This just in: aliens shot Kennedy and we’re all gonna die. Back to you, Craig.

Reynaldo Bignone –
World leader, war criminal, sadist.
January 21, 1928 – March 7,2018.
Aged 90 years.

Most recognized for: A military general turned Junta leader, Rey Dawg served as “president” of Argentina in the early 80’s. In the decade prior, he was instrumental in the legendary “Dirty War,” a state-sponsored, CIA-backed terrorism campaign intended to keep Argentina communism-free.  Later tried & convicted of crimes against humanity, he got sentenced to more years than he could serve.

Sir Roger Bannister –
Olympian, doctor, feet-beater.
March 29, 1929 – March 3, 2018.
Aged 88.

Most recognized for: A knighted athlete of the British “Empire,” Mr. Bannister was the first to run a mile in less than 4 minutes… without being chased.  A celebrated neurologist and bigwig in the realm of British sport, he was also the first to address the importance of testing for anabolic steroids.

Selected by: Odyssey 1

David Ogden Stiers –
Actor, voice talent, baldie.
October 31, 1942 – March 3, 2018.
Aged 75 years.

Most recognized for: He played Major Charles Emerson Winchester III, the snobby surgeon on TV’s “M*A*S*H.” Aside from multiple on-screen TV & film roles, David also lent his voice to a multitude of animated characters… including Cogsworth in the 1991 Disney classic “Beauty and the Beast.”  In then end, it was bladder cancer that silenced the talented Mr. Stiers.

Sammy Stewart –
MLB pitcher, felon, crackhead.
October 28, 1954 – March 2, 2018.
Aged 63 years.

Most recognized for: Mr. Stewart had the league’s best ERA in 1981 and pitched in both the ’79 and ’83 World Series, retiring in 1987. But retirement bored Sammy… he desperately needed something else. So he developed a new zest for life and love of the great outdoors with his second calling: crack-addicted homelessness. After dozens of arrests and 7 years in prison, he now rests peacefully under the big overpass in the sky.

Sridevi –
Actress, producer, Bollywood big-deal.
August 13, 1963 – February 24, 2018.
Aged 54 years.

Most recognized for: Known throughout South-central Asia by only her first name, Sridevi was Indian cinema’s first and biggest female superstar. She’s won just about every award that her niche-industry – and just about the entire Indian culture – could possibly throw at her. Then, while in Dubai for a nephew’s wedding, she got tipsy and somehow managed to drown herself in a hotel bathtub.