Celebrity Dead Pool News for the Ghoulish and Depraved

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News & Updates - page 5

Dispatches from the commissioner on all things relevant to our morbid little pastime.

Still Here

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As happy as they wanna be.

Happy birthday to Queen E2 & Glen Campbell. Although their birthdays are a day apart and they might each deserve their own news posts, we are into the whole brevity thing thing. Queen Elizabeth II, the old sourpuss, turns 91 today… while Glen trails her by ten years & a day, turning 81 tomorrow. We don’t send birthday wishes to just any celebrity… but members of the Lucky 13 get special treatment. Besides, it’s doubtful that the “wishes” we’re sending them are well received.

Still Here

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“Mmmm. Arby’s.”

Happy 91st birthday to Hugh Hefner!  He’s seen more roast beef than a shift manager at Arby’s… he’s proof that the only negative side effect of Viagra is an unquenchable thirst for 20yr old platinum blondes… he’s a tireless advocate for velvet robes and nautical caps to be acceptable daytime attire… he’s a member of the Lucky 13… and he’s still fukking here.

1st Quarter Update

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It’s been a moderately active first few months for the CDP. Only 6 hits so far, but a few of them have been good scores. In the lead we have Mr. J. Darr with a respectable 82 points, with Mr. Doug Graves close behind at 75, and a 3 way tie for 3rd. No one has reached the 3 hit qualification mark yet, but we do have 3 players with pocket pairs… and it’s only April, folks.

Stay tuned, and feel free to get the shit-talk going by adding comments to posts. You’ll just need to log into the site first using your email address and the password provided back in January. We’re also on Twitter now @DeadReckonerCDP. Feel free to follow and disgust others with our morbid sense of humor.

A point worth mentioning…
A question I get a lot about several of our MISS posts: “Who the fuck is this person? They’re a Celebrity?!?” The answer is yes… because if anyone had selected them, they would be valid hits as described in our rules and regulations. Don’t be butt-hurt that you didn’t discover them earlier. The Dead Reckoner staff scours the on-line mainstream media daily for any report of fresh corpses. If somebody gets a send-off story in the news and they meet our definition of “celebrity” without exclusion, then they are worth mentioning… regardless of wether they are a household name or not. Besides, it’s a way for us to keep ourselves entertained until the reaper reels in the next 800 pound blue marlin.

We have 9 more months to go to see who’ll be this year’s charnel house champion. Best of luck to all!

-Der Kommissar

Still Here

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“Eat it, McClanahan!”
Happy 95th birthday, Betty White.  This spunky old broad is still alive and kicking, despite being a member of the Lucky 13.  When she’s not chowing down hot dogs or hosting her “animals do the darndest things” show on GAC, she’s flipping the bird to all you dead poolers… showing you that as of today, you’ll get 1 less point from this dusty old muffin.

The Results are In!

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Well… it’s official.  2016’s champion is Mr. Colin Capps. A round of forced applause and a few spiteful slaps on the back are in order for this gentleman. He racked up a staggering 139 points with just 4 hits, including Muhammed Ali, Rob Ford, Martin Crowe, and the King of Thailand.

So… as they say… whoever they may be: “to the victor go the spoils.” VP & Treasurer Dr. Death has already dispatched his carrier pigeons to deliver your prize package, Mr. Capps. May it bring you much joy and satisfaction… fukker.

For the curious, here are the results for 2016:

  • 1st Place: C. Capps – 4 hits, 139 points
  • 2nd place: J. Miller – 3 hits, 84 points
  • 3rd place: J. Darr – 4 hits, 71 points
  • 4th: C. Osmer – 2 hits, 66 points
  • 5th: K. Laws – 3 hits, 54 points
  • 6th: M. Poweleit – 2 hits, 53 points
  • 7th: C. Rich – 2 hits, 36 points
  • 8th (tie): Dr. Death & S. Darr – 3 hits, 33 points each
  • 9th: B. Douglas – 1 hit, 26 points
  • 10th: J. Stautberg – 1 hit, 10 points

The rest had less than 10 points. We even had three 0-fers, if you can believe it. Can you believe it Thunderpants?

Anyway, that was then… and this is right fukken now! 2017. It’s on! We’ve got 42 lists this year, people. The selection pool holds 169 individual celebrities… any of which could drop dead at any moment. A prize package 2 1/2 times the size of 2016’s hangs in the balance. Dr. Death is going to have to employ TWO pigeons come January of next year just to fly all this shit out to the winner. A big thanks to everyone who is participating this year. Welcome newbies and returning veterans. And a friendly middle-finger to all the spectators. Hopefully we can lure you out of the bleachers and onto the playing field in 2018. In the meantime, enjoy the show.

Almost There!!

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All lists and selections have been posted.  However, we’re still working on some of the functionality of the site.

Participants: keep an eye on your in-box for a message containing your login & password.  The default is some insanely long string of letters & numbers, but you can change it to whatever is easy to remember once you’re logged in.  “Why do I need to be logged in?” you ask?  In order to post comments you must a) be a registered participant… and b) be logged in.  The login link is on the home page under “Meta.” It may take some extra time to get the Shit Talk forum built, so in the meantime feel free to make comments on any post & get the ball rolling.

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