Ahmed Kathrada –
Commie, author, shit-stirrer.
August 29, 1929 – March 28, 2017.
Aged 87 years.
Most recognized for: Got thrown in the pokey with his buddy Nelson Mandela for trying to overthrow the South African government. Decades later, they were released and he served at President Mandela’s side. Since then he’s been awarded honorary doctorate degrees from a handful of American universities, including The University of Kentucky. So by default, he’s a Wildcat. Hate him now?
Sib Hashian –
Drummer, Armenian, cruise casualty.
August 17, 1949 – March 22, 2017.
Aged 67 years.
Most recognized for: He played drums on the first few Boston records, got booted, and then wallowed in obscurity for a while… occasionally coming up for air as a stage actor. For his final act, he had a heart attack onstage while playing with former Boston bandmates on one of those goofy Rock & Roll Cruises.
Chuck Barris –
Game show creator/host, author, assassin?
June 3, 1929 – March 21, 2017.
Aged 87 years.
Most recognized for: Not only was he the face of The Gong Show, but Chuck also created The Dating Game and The Newlywed Game… just didn’t host them. His autobiography (later made movie) “Confessions of a Dangerous Mind” claimed that in his time off from TV, he was a contract killer for the CIA. Sure, buddy. Sure you were.
David Rockefeller –
Banker, philanthropist, rich kid.
June 12, 1915 – March 20, 2017.
Aged 101 years.
Most Recognized for: The patriarch of the insanely wealthy Rockefeller family, he’s been head of Chase Manhattan bank and an Advisory Board member for the Bilderberg Group. Ask your friendly neighborhood conspiracy theorist about the Bilderberg Group and prepare to be unloaded upon.
Chuck Berry –
Guitarist, vocalist, dirty bastard.
October 18, 1926 – March 18, 2017.
Aged 90 years.
Most recognized for: Obviously, ol’ chuck was one of the true pioneers of rock & roll. However, the legendary axeman had a secret fetish: farting on hookers. Haven’t you heard? Check it out here, but be forewarned: it’s definitely NSFW.
Selected by: Der Kommissar
John Surtees –
Road racer, team owner, adrenaline junkie.
February 11, 1934 – March 10, 2017
Aged 83 years.
Most recognized for: He was a 4 time 500cc class Motorcycle Racing World Champion and the 1964 Formula One World Champion… and remains the only person to have ever won world championships on both 2 and 4 wheels. So yes, he’s a celebrity… more deservedly so than most of the hicks that drive in circles for a living.
Joni Sledge –
Singer, songwriter, sistah.
1957 – March 10, 2017.
Aged 60 years.
Most recognized for: As part of the all-sibling disco group Sister Sledge, she unleashed the “We Are Family” scourge upon countless innocent wedding partygoers. If a DJ showed up at a reception hall in the 1980s without Sister Sledge or Kool & the Gang, they placed themselves at grave personal risk.
Miriam Colon –
Actress, theater director, Mama Montana.
August 20, 1936 – March 3, 2017.
Aged 80 years.
Most recognized for: When TV & movie casting directors said “get me a Puerto Rican broad,” Miriam’s phone would blow up. But after 6 and a half decades in Hollywood, the role we know her best for was as Tony Montana’s mother in Scarface.
Lynne Stewart –
Defense attorney, convicted felon, lost cause addict.
October 8, 1939 – March 7, 2017.
Aged 77 years.
Most recognized for: As the defense attorney in several high-profile US court cases, she has represented terrorist leaders, hijackers, cop killers, and even Gambino crime family underboss Sammy “The Bull” Gravano. Did she get them off the hook? Usually not.
Joe Rogers Sr. –
Businessman, short-order cook, hash slinger.
1919 – March 7, 2017.
Aged 97 years.
Most recognized for: As founder of Waffle House, he’s partly responsible for the heartburn you experience upon waking on the couch after a night of blacked-out binge drinking.
Robert Osbourne –
Actor, film historian, the old guy on the old movie channel.
May 3, 1932 – March 6, 2017.
Aged 84 years.
Most recognized for: He was the white haired old fella with the velvety pipes that hosted old movies on TCM. And for all you confused millennials, TCM stands for Turner Classic Movies.
Dr. Thomas Starzl –
Surgeon, author, mad scientist.
March 11, 1926 – March 4, 2017.
Aged 90 years.
Most recognized for: Regarded as “the father of modern transplantation,” he performed the first human liver transplant in 1963… and then the first successful human liver transplant in 1967. 4 years of practice makes perfect, apparently.