Der Kommissar - page 9

Richard Donner –
Director, producer, goonie.
April 24, 1930 – July 5, 2021.
Aged 91 years.

Most recognized for: Credited for creating the template for modern superhero movies, Richard hit it big with “Superman” in 1978. He also dabbled in horror with “The Omen” & “Tales Form the Crypt”… kids stuff like “The Goonies” & “Radio Flyer”… and 80’s action, directing all 4 “Lethal Weapon” movies. But after 50 years in showbiz, it was finally a wrap for “Uncle Dick.”

Jovenel Moïse –
Head of state, plantocrat, target.
June 26, 1968 – July 7, 2021
Aged 53 years.

Most recognized for: Shifting from auto parts dealer to bio-ecological agriculturalist, Mr. Moïse spearheaded the expansion of a Haitian banana plantation for the purpose of exporting fruit to Germany. Although the project yielded poor results, the endeavor was enough to earn him the nickname “Banana Man.” He would go on to be elected Haiti’s 42’d president… only to be assassinated in his home by Spanish-speaking hitmen 4 years later

Johnny Solinger –
Singer, songwriter, substitute.
August 7, 1965 – June 26, 2021.
Aged 55 years.

Most recognized for: Johnny was the vocalist for hair-metal has-beens Skid Row following the departure of frontman Sebastian Bach. In the wake of the Nirvana-induced hairspray & spandex market crash of the mid 90’s, he never saw the multi-platinum level of success the band once had. And besides, he had some big heels to fill. Cuz, c’mon… no Bach? Sounds more like Skid Blow to me.

Frank Bonner –
Actor, director, plaid boy.
February 28, 1942 – June 16, 2021.
Aged 79 years.

Most recognized for: Though he did extensive work from the front and the back of camera in 70’s & 80’s television, he’ll forever be known as Herb, the plaid & polyester-clad salesman from “W.K.R.P in Cincinnati.” Although he returned for the short-lived 90’s reboot, his leisure suit days slowed to a crawl from Lewy Body Dementia… leaving him anything but “Hokay, fine.”

Ned Beatty –
Actor, Golden Globe winner, bottom.
July 6, 1937 – June 13, 2021.
Aged 83 years.

Most recognized for: On his 1972 big screen debut, Ned squealed like a pig and took one for the team in “Deliverance.” He later earned an Oscar nod for “Network” and became Lex Luthor’s sidekick Otis in the first 2 Superman movies. But even after nearly 50 years in showbiz, his name still conjures images of that harrowing scene that makes everyone second guess the safety of a rural canoeing trip.

Yoo Sang-chul –
FIFA player, manager, blindsider.
October 18, 1971 – June 7, 2021.
Aged 49 years.

Most recognized for: So… apparently, soccer is a thing in South Korea. Who knew. And if you did, you’d surely heard of Yoo. A star midfielder for the National team, he had standout World Cup performances in ’98 & ’02. But it was only after a bum knee forced his retirement that he revealed he’d been blind in one eye the whole time. But with a wink & a nod, it was an early lights out for the Seoul man.

Selected by: Deadpool Actuary

Gavin MacLeod –
Actor, MTM alum, bible beater.
February 28, 1931 – May 29, 2021.
Aged 90 years.

Most recognized for: After serving in the Air Force, Mr. MacLoed got his first regular acting gig in the Navy… “McHale’s Navy,” that is. Years later, he’d be promoted from seaman to captain of “The Love Boat.” And after playing an Army mechanic in “Kelly’s Heroes,” a German general in “Hogan’s Heroes,” and even appearing in Gomer Pyle’s Marine Corps, the old acting vet has finally got his discharge papers.

Charles Grodin –
Actor, author, antagonist.
April 21, 1935 – May 18, 2021.
Aged 86 years.

Most recognized for: Aside from notable movie appearances such as “Midnight Run,” “The Heartbreak Kid,” and “The Great Muppet Caper,” Mr. Grodin was a successful comedy writer and frequent talk show guest… where loved to play the provocateur. Visits with Letterman and Carson frequently ended in shouting, even with him getting “banned” from the show. And though it was all an act, the show’s finally over.

John Kiedis AKA Blackie Dammett –
Actor, pusher, pepper papa.
December 7, 1939 – May 12, 2021.
Aged

Most recognized for: Blackie was the sole surviving Christmas tree lot coke dealer in the opening scene of “Lethal Weapon”… a role that was kismet for the real life Sunset Strip trafficker. According to son Anthony Kiedis’ book, pop’s clients at the Rainbow included members of The Who and Led Zep. Although there have been far more “accomplished” celebrity passages recently that better deserved a write up over than this clown, he was in Lethal Fukken Weapon, mmmkay?

Tawny Kitaen –
Actress, model, hood ornament.
August 5, 1961 – May 7, 2021.
Aged 59 years.

Most recognized for: After posing for Ratt’s first 2 album covers, Tawny hit the big screen with Tom Hanks in “Bachelor Party” and a B-horror flick called “Witchboard.” But it was by straddling 2 Jaguars in the “Here I Go Again” music video that she became truly memorable. She would later sink into the quicksand of reality TV and become a regular Orange County mugshot for cocaine, booze, & domestic violence. Then came all the ridiculous plastic surgery… which turned the 80’s spank banker into closed casket material.