Celebrity Dead Pool News for the Ghoulish and Depraved

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Der Kommissar has 760 articles published.

The Short List – April ’21

in Hits & Misses/News & Updates by

Each month, we list the unselected dead celebs we either didn’t have time to report on… or who were just too boring to malign. So in case you were wondering “whatever happened to,” this monthly post may give you some unexpected closure.

April 1, 2021
  • Gerald Irons – Aged 73 years. NFL linebacker honored(?) as one of 100 greatest Cleveland Browns of all time.
  • Lee Aaker – Aged 77 years. Child actor who costarred w/ The Duke in “Hondo” and was a regular on “The Adventures of Rin Tin Tin.”
April 2, 2021
  • Quindon Tarver – Aged 38 years. Teen R&B vocalist from the late 90’s.
  • Arthur Kopit – Aged 83 years. American playwright and two-time Pulitzer Prize finalist.
April 3, 2021
  • Stan Stephens – Aged 91 years. American politician, former governor of Montana.
  • Gloria Henry – Aged 98 years. TV/film actress best known for playing Dennis the Menace’s mother Alice Mitchell.
April 4, 2021
  • Ralph Schuckett – Aged 73 years. Keyboardist for Todd Rundgren’s Utopia.
April 5, 2021
  • Paul Ritter – Aged 54 years. Actor who made appearances in the Harry Potter, James Bond, and Chernobyl film series.
April 6, 2021
  • Walter Olkewicz – Aged 72 years. American character actor who played French Canadian fattys on “Twin Peaks.”
April 7, 2021
  • Anne Beatts – Aged 74 years. Emmy-winning American comedy writer for National Lampoon & SNL and creator of “Square Pegs.”
April 8, 2021
  • Phillip Adams – Aged 32 years. NFL cornerback who went on a killing spree before popping himself.
  • Richard_Rush – Aged 91 years. Oscar-nominated director of “The Stunt Man.”
April 9, 2021
  • Ramsey Clark – Aged 93 years. LBJ’s US attorney General turned international activist.
April 10, 2021
  • Bob Porter – Aged 80 years. Jazz and blues record producer and noted preservationist.
April 11, 2021
  • Joseph Siravo – Aged 66 years. American actor who typically played greaseball mobsters.
April 12, 2021
  • Galen Weston – Aged 80 years. British-Canadian billionaire & businessman.
April 13, 2021
  • Bobby Leonard – Aged 88 years. NBA player, coach, and color commentator.
April 14, 2021
  • Rusty Young – Aged 75 years. Pedal steel guitar virtuoso who fronted Poco.
April 15, 2021
  • Leroy Keyes – Aged 74 years. Legendary Boilermaker selected by the Eagles in the 1st round of the ’69 NFL draft.
April 16, 2021
  • Helen McCrory – Aged 52 years. British actress seen in “Skyfall,” Peaky Blinders,” and the last 3 Harry Potter movies.
  • Felix Silla – Aged 84 years. Italian stunt dwarf who played Cousin Itt on “The Addams Family.”
April 17, 2021
  • Black Rob – Aged 52 years. One of P.Diddy’s Bad Boy Entertainment flunkies whose hit single “Whoa!” blew past us early this century.
April 18, 2021
  • Paul Oscher – Aged 71 years. Color barrier-breaking blues instrumentalist. First white guy in Muddy Waters’ band.
April 19, 2021
  • Bob Lanois – Aged 73 years. Canadian record producer and recording engineer.
April 20, 2021
  • Monte Hellman – Aged 91 years. American indie filmmaker who directed a couple of Jack Nicholson’s Westerns.
  • Tempest Storm – Aged 93 years. Slutty old broad who was dubbed “The Queen Of Exotic Dancers.”
  • Les McKeown – Aged 65 years. Singer for Scottish pop-tards The Bay City Rollers.
April 21, 2021
  • Thomas Fritsch – Aged 77 years. Hollywoood’s go-to guy for dubbing a main movie character’s voice in German.
April 22, 2021
April 23, 2021
April 24, 2021
  • Christa Ludwig – Aged 93 years. Highly decorated German opera singer.
April 25, 2021
  • Denny Freeman – Aged 76 years. American guitarist who collaborated with some big names in the Blues scene.
April 26, 2021
  • AlSchmitt – Aged 91 years. 20X Grammy winning recording engineer & music producer.
  • Geno Hayes – Aged 33 years. NFL Linebacker with a busted liver.
April 27, 2021
  • Charles Strum – Aged 73 years. American journalist and author.
April 28, 2021
  • Michael Collins – Aged 90 years. Astronaut who piloted Apollo 11’s command module around the moon.
April 29, 2021
  • John Hinch – Aged 73 years. Founding drummer for Judas Priest.
  • Johnny Crawford – Aged 75 years. Singer & child actor from the 50’s & 60’s.
  • Pete Lammons – Aged 77 years. Tight End for the Jets in Super Bowl 3.
April 30, 2021

 

Bad for Good

in Hits & Misses by
“How could anyone possibly mistake me
for Brent Spiner?!? I mean, really. Do I look
like some kinda Star Trek loser to you?!

Jim Steinman –
Composer, lyricist, Loaf maker.
November 1, 1947 – April 19, 2021.
Aged 73 years.

Most recognized for: Jim was the brains behind some of the biggest piano-driven heartbreak anthems on 80’s radio. Air Supply’s “Making Love Out of Nothing At All,” Bonnie Tyler’s “Total Eclipse of the Heart” & “Holding Out for a Hero,” and pretty much every song that Meat Loaf ever sang first came through this guy’s fingers. But after some kidney trouble in Connecticut, the world can rest assured that there will be no “Bat Out of Hell 4.”

There’s the Beef

in Hits & Misses by
“I figure having a woman on the ballot
is the only chance I have. Beyond that,
I’d have to resort to cheating, haha!”

Walter Mondale –
Politician, ex-Veep, ass man.
January 5, 1928 – April 19, 2021.
Aged 93 years.

Most recognized for: Walt was a Dem’s Dem. His blood ran so goddamned blue, he could give an anemic donkey a transfusion. After serving as Jimmy Carter’s #2, he decided to run for #1 in the ’84 election. But even with a female, pro-choice catholic as his running mate, Mr. Mondale lost by a landslide to incumbent Ronald Reagan… ushering in 4 more years of nuclear escalation, crack on every street corner, and good ol’ Reaganomics.

Bern in Hell

in Hits & Misses by
“I especially enjoyed taking
Steven Spielberg’s money.
If you paid to see that last
Indiana Jones movie,
you would too.”

Bernie Madoff –
Financier, philanthropist, fraudster.
April 29, 1938 – April 14, 2021.
Aged 82 years.

Most recognized for: A law school drop-out from Queens, his modest penny stock brokerage became a Wall Street powerhouse by the mid-80’s. Unfortunately, the asset management portion of his firm was – to quote the man himself – “one big lie.” His clients lost 18 billion bucks in the largest Ponzi scheme in world history… earning Mr. Madoff a 150 year sentence in the federal slammer. So now he’s getting out a little early… but not exactly the way his legal team had hoped.

Selected by: Abra Cadaver & Goble

Royal Flush

in Hits & Misses by
“Hmmmm….
Canada.
Why exactly am I supposed to
give a fukk about this
ghastly place again?”
 

Prince Philip –
Duke, Dane, dick.
June 10, 1921 – April 9, 2021.
Aged 99 years.

Most recognized for: In the idiotically uptight world of the British monarchy, Phil was a notorious sh!t stirrer and gaffe machine. Women, children, cripples, Asians… nobody was immune from his deliciously blunt and insensitive epithets. Perhaps it was his way of getting attention… as his puny, princely existence seemed eclipsed by his wife’s sovereignty. But as long as his grandson’s camera-hogging jezebel doesn’t crash the funeral, Phil will finally have his moment to shine.

Selected by: MPoweleit1, Kappy, Kim Reaper, Pille

Time’s Up (in Here)

in Hits & Misses by
“To the children of the world…
don’t do drugs, stay in school,
get a job, and pay your taxes.
Otherwise, you might wind up like me…
a Def Leppard fan.”

DMX –
Rapper, actor, deadbeat.
December 18, 1970 – April 9, 2021.
Aged 50 years.

Most recognized for: Good ol’ Earl Simmons spent more time behind bars than he did in front of a microphone. Drugs, theft, assault, animal cruelty, carjacking, dodging child support… it’s amazing that he ever had time to find a rhyme with all the dumb sh!t he was up to. But just before changing his home state from New York to Vegetative, Mr. X bestowed a lone act generous nobility… by doing his part to help curb the Narcan shortage in his community.

Paid in Full

in Hits & Misses by
“If that briefcase you’re holding
happens to be full of cash,
you have my undivided attention.”

Alcee Hastings –
Congressman, ex-judge, greased palm.
September 5, 1936 – April 6, 2021.
Aged 84 years.

Most recognized for: Even after being nominated by Jimmy Carter to a cushy US District Court seat, Alcee was still looking for a handout… in the form of bribes from mobsters in exchange for lighter sentencing. Impeached for bribery and perjury but narrowly escaping jail time, he did what just about any disgraced public figure would do next: run for office.

Selected by: MPoweleit2, Raspus, DP Actuary, Everything Went Black

The Short List – March ’21

in Hits & Misses/News & Updates by

Each month, we list the unselected dead celebs we either didn’t have time to report on… or who were just too boring to malign. So in case you were wondering “whatever happened to,” this monthly post may give you some unexpected closure.

March 1, 2021
  • Ralph Peterson Jr. – Aged 58 years. American jazz drummer and bandleader.
  • John “Ian” St John – Aged 82 years. Scottish professional football player, coach and broadcaster.
  • Vernon Jordan – Aged 85 years. American business executive, civil rights activist, & Clintonista.
March 2, 2021
  • Bunny Wailer – Aged 73 years. Grammy-winning reggae musician and Bob Marley collaborator.
March 3, 2021
March 4, 2021
  • Bhaskar Menon – Aged 86 years. Music industry executive who backed “The Dark Side of the Moon.”
  • Tony Hedra – Aged 79 years. English actor & writer who helmed National Lampoon and played Spinal Tap’s manager Ian Faith.
March 5, 2021
  • David Bailie – Aged 83 years. South Afican actor who played the mute pirate Cotton in the Pirates of the Caribbean series.
March 6, 2021
  • Lou Ottens – Aged 94 years. Dutch inventor who gave us the cassette tape.
March 7, 2021
March 8, 2021
  • Rhéal Cormier – Aged 53 years. MLB relief pitcher and Canadian Baseball Hall of Fame inductee.
  • Leon Gast – Aged 84 years. Oscar-winning documentary filmmaker.
March 9, 2021
  • Cliff Simon – Aged 58 years. South African athlete and actor, known as Ba’al on TV’s “Stargate SG-1.”
March 10, 2021
March 11, 2021
  • Ray Campi – Aged 86 years. Double-bass playing musician nicknamed “The King of Rockabilly”.
March 12, 2021
  • Ronald DeFeo Jr. – Aged 69 years. Long Island mass murderer who inspired “The Amityville Horror.”
March 13, 2021
  • Murray Walker – Aged 97 years. English Formula 1 commentator and journalist.
March 14, 2021
  • Frankie de la Cruz – Aged 37 years. MLB pitcher who went on to play in various leagues around the world.
  • Rusty Tillman – Aged 75 years. NFL linebacker and XFL coach.
  • Henry Darrow – Aged 87 years. Emmy-winning TV actor known for roles in “The High Chaparral,” “Zorro,” and “Santa Barbara.”

 

 

March 15, 2021
March 16, 2021
  • Sabine Schmitz – Aged 51 years. German pro race driver, known as as the ‘Queen of the Ring.’
  • Moudud Ahmed – Aged 80 years. 7th Prime Minister of Bangladesh.
March 17, 2021
March 18, 2021
  • Paul Jackson – Aged 73 years. Founding bassist for Herbie Hancock’s jazz-fusion band The Headhunters.
  • Richard Gilliland – Aged 71 years. TV/film actor seen in “Airplane II: The Sequel” and “Designing Women.”
March 19, 2021
  • Barry Orton – Aged 62 years. Pro wrestler and member of the noted Orton family of wresters.
March 20, 2021
  • Peter Lorimer – Aged 74 years. Scottish pro soccer player & record-holder with Leeds United.
March 21, 2021
  • Robina Asti – Aged 99 years. Womens’ rights activist and 2X Guinness record holder for oldest active pilot and active flight instructor.
March 22, 2021
  • Elgin Baylor – Aged 86 years. Pro basketball player, coach, & Lakers legend.
March 23, 2021
  • Don Heffington – Aged 70 years. In-demand session drummer and original member of Lone Justice.
  • George Segal – Aged 87 years. Oscar-nominated & Golden Globe winning actor best known for roles on TV’s “Just Shoot Me” and “The Goldbergs.”
March 24, 2021
  • Jessica Walter – Aged 80 years. Award-winning actress in Eastwood’s “Play Misty for Me” and Tv’s “Arrested Development.”
  • Craig “muMs da Schemer” Grant – Aged 52 years. Actor & poet from HBO’s “Oz” who also played Lysol on “Chappelle’s Show.”
March 25, 2021
  • Bill Brock – Aged 90 years. Former US congressman and Regan administration cabinet member.
  • Bobby Brown – Aged 96 years. Yankees 3rd baseman who also served as AL president.
  • Stan Albeck – Aged 89 years. NBA & ABA coach.
  • Bertrand Tavernier – Aged 79 years. French actor & filmmaker who brought us “Round Midnight.”
March 26, 2021
  • Mike Bell – Aged 46 years. Reds 3rd baseman and Twins bench coach.
March 27, 2021
  • Petr Kellner – Aged 56 years. Czech billionaire and state’s richest person.
  • Howard Schnellenberger – Aged 87 years. NFL/NCAA football coach who led U of Miami to the national title in 1983.
March 28, 2021
  • Malcolm Cecil – Aged 84 years. British jazz bassist and Grammy Award-winning record producer.
  • Didier Ratsiraka – Aged 84 years. Longest serving president of Madagascar.
March 29, 2021
  • Bibian Mentel – Aged 48 years. Winter Paralympics gold-medalist & 5X world para-snowboarding champion.
  • Sarah Onyango Obama – Aged 99 years. Obammy’s step-grammy. Not a valid pick (by our rules) but the world somehow thinks her passage is “news.”
March 30, 2021
  • Myra Frances – Aged 78 years. Actress credited for half of British TV’s first lesbian kiss.
March 31, 2021

CemeteryGate

in Hits & Misses by
“Wow. An obit that didn’t
once mention the word ‘Watergate.’
Dammit! I just said it!”

G. Gordon Liddy –
Ex-G-man, convicted felon, cue ball.
November 30, 1930 – March 30, 2021.
Aged 90 years.

Most recognized for: Mr. Liddy’s tortuous job history is a wonder to behold: Korean War artillery officer, lawyer, drug-raid leader for the FBI, White House “plumber”, federal prison inmate, author, actor, Wrestlemania referee, game show guest celebrity, debate panelist, gold commercial pitchman, and syndicated radio talk show host. Somewhere in there he did some dirty sh!t for Richard Nixon, but we can’t quite recall what it was or where it took place.

Written Off

in Hits & Misses by
“(sniff) You fart, Bev?”
 
“Watch it, kid. I’ve got a crawlspace packed with smartassed little whipper-snappers like you.”

Larry McMurty & Beverly Cleary –
Authors, award winners, old farts.
6/3/1936 & 4/12/1916 – 3/25/2021.
Aged 84 & 104 years.

Most recognized for: Larry’s work was regularly adapted for film or TV… most notably “Lonesome Dove,” “The Last Picture Show,” and everybody’s favorite gay cowboy movie “Brokeback Mountain.” Beverly, on the other hand, wrote for the kiddie crowd…. penning the Ramona Quimby and Ralph S. Mouse children’s series. Both earned dozens of big awards over the course of their careers…. and both went the way of the typewriter on a Thursday in late March.

… and Let Die

in Hits & Misses by
“Well… at least I got to see
that ‘Coming to America’ sequel
before I turned in my dinner pail.
I’m finished, lord.”

Yaphet Kotto –
Actor, bond villain, TV G.
November 15, 1939 – March 15, 2021.
Aged 81 years.

Most recognized for: Between Broadway & prime time TV, he’s played Othello, Idi Amin, and at least a dozen different bitter cops & black cowboys, but a few key film roles punctuated his winding career. He was a Nostromo crew member in “Alien,” mortally wounded by Buzzsaw in “The Running Man,” and keeper of Solitaire’s psychic virginity in “Live and Let Die.” But eventually, the former “Homicide” star got his final curtain call in the Philippines.

Selected by: Everything Went Black

Marvel-less

in Hits & Misses by
“What’s this I hear about
Tommy Hearns runnin’-off
at the mouth again?”
 

Marvelous Marvin Hagler –
Boxer, actor, anti-vaxxer’s wet dream.
May 23, 1954 – March 13, 2021.
Aged 66 years.

Most recognized for: Mr. Hagler reigned as undisputed middleweight champ for 6½ years of the 80’s. His split decision loss to Sugar Ray Leonard remains one of pro boxing’s most hotly disputed outcomes. Fed up with waiting for a rematch, he retired and moved to Milan… where he got into making sh!tty Italian action movies. But after rumored to be struggling with vaccination side effects, he passed away of natural causes… creating another disputable entry in Marv’s loss column.

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