Celebrity Dead Pool News for the Ghoulish and Depraved

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Der Kommissar - page 7

Der Kommissar has 760 articles published.

Doled Out

in Hits & Misses by
“No, young man.
You most certainly may not
borrow Bob Dole’s pen.
Bob Dole.”

Bob Dole –
Senator, candidate, boner pill shill.
July 22, 1923 – December 5, 2021.
Aged 98 years.

Most recognized for: Bob got shelled by the Krauts in WWII, leaving him with a gimpy right arm. From there, he charged into the warzone of American politics… serving as Congressman & Senator for 45 years. Not even a loss in the ’96 presidential election could slow the feisty old fart down… as he became a TV spokesman for Viagra. But eventually, advancing years & lung cancer put an end to his ‘little blue pill’ popping.

Selected by: MPoweleit1, Schlitz, Kappy, Kim Reaper, Goble, & J-Ro

The Short List – November ’21

in Hits & Misses/News & Updates by

Each month, we list the unselected dead celebs we either didn’t have time to report on… or who were just too boring to malign. So in case you were wondering “whatever happened to,” this monthly post may give you some unexpected closure.

November 1, 2021
  • Emmett Chapman – Aged 85 years. American jazz musician and inventor of the Chapman Stick.
November 2, 2021
  • Neal Smith – Aged 101 years. Iowa representative from 1959 to 1995, oldest living current or former member of Congress.
November 3, 2021
  • Tom Matte – Aged 82 years. 2X Pro Bowl RB and Super Bowl V champ.
November 4, 2021
November 5, 2021
November 6, 2021
November 7, 2021
November 8, 2021
  • Margo Guryan – Aged 84 years. Forgettable American songwriter from the 60’s.
November 9, 2021
  • Jerry Douglas – Aged 88 years. 25 year cast member of “The Young & the Restless.”
November 10, 2021
  • Jun Hong Lu – Aged 62 years. Controversial Buddhist faith healer and the founder of the Guan Yin Citta Dharma Door religious movement.
November 11, 2021
  • John Goodsall – Aged 68 years. Progressive rock and jazz fusion guitarist for Brand X and atomic Rooster.
November 12, 2021
  • Dave Hickey – Aged 82 years. Peabody Award winning art critic who wrote for Rolling Stone and Vanity Fair.
November 13, 2021
  • Sam Huff – Aged 87 years. 5X Pro Bowl RB for the Giants & Redskins.
November 14, 2021
  • Heath Freeman – Aged 41 years. Actor who played serial killer Howard Epps on TV’s “Bones.”
November 15, 2021
  • Julio Lugo – Aged 46 years. Starting shortstop for Boston’s 2007 World Series wining team.
November 16, 2021
  • Larry J. Hopkins – Aged 88 years. Kentucky congressman and father to actor Josh Hopkins.
November 17, 2021
  • Art LaFleur – Aged 78 years. Character actor who appeared in “The Sandlot” and “Field of Dreams.”
November 18, 2021
  • Peter Buck – Aged 90 years.
    Restaurateur, co-founder of Subway.
  • Mick Rock – Aged 72 years. British rock music photographer often referred to as “The Man Who Shot the Seventies.”
November 19, 2021
  • Will Ryan – Aged 72 years. Songwriter and voice talent for numerous animated films and children’s shows.
November 20, 2021
  • Billy Hinsche – Aged 70 years. Bandmate of Desi Arnaz & Dean Marin as well as touring musician with The Beach Boys.
November 21, 2021
  • Lou Cutell – Aged 91 years. Film & TV actor who played Amazing Larry in “Pee-Wee’s Big Adventure.”.
November 22, 2021
  • Doug Jones – Aged 64 years. 5X All-star MLB pitcher with a sweet mustache.
  • Bernard Holley – Aged 81 years. Veteran British actor known for appearances on Doctor Who.
November 23, 2021
  • Chun Doo-hwan – Aged 90 years. Controversial 5th President of South Korea.
  • Bill Virdon – Aged 90 years. MLB outfielder, manager, coach, and 2X World Series champ.
November 24, 2021
  • Lisa Brown – Aged 67 years. Soap actress from “Guiding Light” and “As the World Turns.”
November 25, 2021
  • Charles Moose – Aged 68 years. American author and police officer central to the DC Beltway Sniper case.
November 26, 2021
  • Mark Roth – Aged 70 years. Pro bowler who won the PBA tour 24 times.
  • Stephen Sondheim – Aged 91 years. Award-winning Broadway composer credited for reinventing the American musical.
November 27, 2021
  • Curley Culp – Aged 75 years. 6X pro-bowl lineman with a ring from Super Bowl IV.
November 28, 2021
  • Virgil Abloh – Aged 41 years. Big-shot fashion designer with a taste for plagiarism.
  • Carrie Meek – Aged 95 years. Florida congresswoman who criminalized stalking.
November 29, 2021
  • Arlene Dahl – Aged 96 years. Classic Hollywood-era actress and Lorenzo’s mommma Lamas.
November 30, 2021
  • Dave Draper – Aged 79 years. American bodybuilder, actor and author.

 

 

Buried Outback

in Hits & Misses by
“You can build a thousand bridges
and no one will call you a bridgebuilder.
 
But chuck just one
goddamned spear…”

David Gulpilil –
Actor, aboriginal dancer, wife beater.
1953 – November, 29 2021
Aged 68 years.

Most recognized for: David became a celebrity novelty after being cast as “Black Boy” in the acclaimed 1971 Australian survival flick “Walkabout.” Years later he played Neville, Mick’s bush buddy in the Crocodile Dundee movies… and won a few Aussie Oscars for various other native roles. But shortly after being the subject of his own documentary, Mr. Gulpilil danced his way off the world’s stage for good.

Selected by: MPoweleit1, Raspus, Pille, Deadpool Actuary, & Tote Menschen

Deep in the Backfield

in Hits & Misses by
“Get your mitts offa me!
If I wanted Bears grabbing at me,
I’d head down to The Castro.”

Steve Smith –
NFL fullback, Madden Bowl champ, ALS’er.
August 30, 1964 – November 20, 2021
Aged 57 years.

Most recognized for: Steve’s job on the field was to be the battering ram for star running backs like Marcus Allen and Bo Jackson. Paving the way and taking the tough hits, teammates heralded him as “the toughest fullback they’ve ever seen”… even going so far as to call him “Superman.” But after a 20 year battle, Lou Gherig’s disease turned out to be Steve’s kryptonite.

Selected by: The Kim Reaper

Ready for Some Darkness

in Hits & Misses by
“Not supposed to wear white after labor day?
Well… here’s what I have to say
about that.”
 

Hank von Hell –
Singer, songwriter, skag hag.
June 15, 1972 – November 19, 2021.
Aged 49 years.

Most recognized for: Hank was the lead singer for Norwegian death punkers Turbonegro. A consummate showman, he regularly performed in bulging denim with a top hat, Cooper-esque eye make-up, and a lit roman candle stuck in his ass. He also had a smack problem… and after a few rehab-induced hiatuses, the band replaced him in 2010. Hank would later go on to release music with other acts, but the life eventually caught up with him… and the “I Got Erection” singer went limp.

Did It All for the Cookie

in Hits & Misses by
“What’s that sign say?
Shortbreads, 2 for 1?!
Hellyeah.”

Young Dolph –
Rapper, songwriter, king sh!t.
July 27, 1985 – November 17, 2021
Aged 36 years.

Most recognized for: Adolph Robert Thornton Jr. burst onto the American rap scene in 2016 with his debut album “King of Memphis.” The title’s royal claim enraged rival hometown gangster rappers, kicking off a war that started with diss tracks and quickly escalated to public shootouts. While making a regular cookie stop at a neighborhood bakery, shots rang out yet again… and this time, young Adolph was reduced to crumbs.

Chucked Aside

in Hits & Misses by
“Hello? Ron? Yeah… It’s me Gav.
Whaddaya mean I’m not invited
to the Happy Days reunion?”

Gavan O’Herlihy –
Actor, Irishman, ginger.
July 29, 1951 – September 15, 2021.
Aged 70 years.

Most recognized for: For the first season of “Happy Days,” he played Ritchie’s older brother… but was inexplicably written out of the show, giving rise to the TV term “Chuck Cunningham Syndrome.” Gavan would go on to appear as a Bond baddie in “Never Say Never Again,” Lana’s drunk Smallville boyfriend in “Superman 3,” and the lead villain in Bronson’s “Death Wish 3.”  Decades later, his wish was granted.

Quantum Sleep

in Hits & Misses by
“Across space and time, Ziggy always
knows where the best dope’s at.
This Cuban Kushzilla, for example…”

Dean Stockwell –
Actor, artist, Admiral Al.
March 5, 1936 – November 7, 2021.
Aged 85 years.

Most recognized for: Getting his start as a contracted child actor for MGM in the 1940’s, Dean’s acting career never really gained traction until the 80’s… when he was in “Dune,” “Blue Velvet,” “Beverly Hills Cop 2,” and even received an Oscar nod for “Married to the Mob”. Alas, 5 seasons of NBC’s “Quantum Leap” would forever eclipse his 7 decades in the industry. But hey… sh!t could be worse. Your name could be Scott Bakula.

The Short List – October ’21

in Hits & Misses/News & Updates by

Each month, we list the unselected dead celebs we either didn’t have time to report on… or who were just too boring to malign. So in case you were wondering “whatever happened to,” this monthly post may give you some unexpected closure.

October 1, 2021
  • Ewert Ljusberg – Aged 76 years. Swedish musician, TV personality, and president of some fictitious, bullsh!t republic.
October 2, 2021
October 3, 2021
  • Bernard Tapie – Aged 78 years. French businessman, politician and occasional actor, singer, and TV host.
  • Todd Akin – Aged 74 years. Missouri representative whose run for Senator was derailed by his distinction of “legitimate rape.”.
October 4, 2021
  • Alan Kalter – Aged 78 years. David Letterman’s announcer for 20 years.
October 5, 2021
  • Hobo Jim – Aged 69 years. American folk singer-songwriter, big deal in Alaska for some reason.
October 6, 2021
  • Gerald Home – Aged 70 years. British TV actor who donned 2 different alien masks in “The Return of the Jedi.”
  • Martin J. Sherwin – Aged 84 years. Pulitzer Prize winning historian who obsessed about nuclear weapons.
October 7, 2021
  • Rick Jones – Aged 84 years. Canadian children’s TV personality.
October 8, 2021
  • Jem Targal – Aged 74 years. Founder of Detroit’s psychedelic hard rock outfit Third Power.
October 9, 2021
  • Jim Pembroke – Aged 75 years. Vocalist for Finnish progressive rock band Wigwam.
October 10, 2021
  • Ruthie Tompson – Aged 111 years. Animator for Walt Disney from 1937 to 1978.
  • Granville Adams – Aged 58 years. TV actor best known as Zahir Arif on HBO’s “Oz.”
October 11, 2021
  • Deon Estus – Aged 65 years. American musician/singer and bassist for Wham!.
October 12, 2021
  • Brian Goldner – Aged 58 years. Hasbro CEO and executive producer of the “Transformers” film franchise.
  • Roy Horan – Aged 71 years. Martial arts movie actor from the 70’s & 80’s.
October 13, 2021
  • Ray Fosse – Aged 74 years. All-star catcher for Oakland’s World Series dynasty in the early 70’s.
October 14, 2021
  • Dale Kildee – Aged 92 years. Democrat congressman who represented Michigan from 1977 to 2013.
  • Phil Leadbetter – Aged 59 years. Award-winning American bluegrass musician for whom Gibson Guitars named a dobro after.
October 15, 2021
  • Joanna Cameron – Aged 73 years. Actress who played the title role of Isis on some silly 70’s children’s TV show.

 

 

 

October 16, 2021
  • Ron Tutt – Aged 83 years. Drummer for Elvis’ TCB Band and session player for other big names.
  • Paul Salata – Aged 94 years. The NFL draft’s first “Mr. Irrelevant” and “Angels in the Outfield” actor.
  • Betty Lynn – Aged 95 years. Actress who played Barney’s girlfriend Thelma Lou on “The Andy Griffith Show.”
  • Leo Boivin – Aged 90 years. Canadian pro hockey HOF’er.
October 17, 2021
  • Toshihiro Iijima – Aged 89 years. Japanese film director responsible for the notably terrible Ultraman series.
October 18, 2021
  • Bill Zeliff – Aged 85 years. Former New Hampshire congressman.
  • Val Bisoglio – Aged 95 years. Actor who had a regular role on TV’s “Quincy, M.E.” and played Travolta’s hairdo-wrecking dad in “Saturday Night Fever.”
October 19, 2021
  • LeslieBricusse – Aged 90 years. Oscar-winning composer & lyricist who penned Bond themes, including “Goldfinger.”
  • Jack Angel – Aged 90 years. Voice actor who’s worked on just about everything animated since the 70’s.
October 20, 2021
  • Jerry Pinkney – Aged 81 years. Award-winning illustrator and writer of children’s literature.
October 21, 2021
  • Einár – Aged 19 years. Young & dumb Swedish rapper who survived a brutal kidnapping only to be shot 18 months later.
  • George Butler – Aged 78 years. Documentary filmmaker who introduced moviegoers to Arnold Schwarzenegger in 1977’s “Pumping Iron.”
October 22, 2021
  • Jay Black – Aged 82 years. Lead singer of 60’s hitmakers Jay and the Americans.
October 23, 2021
  • Bob Neumeier – Aged 70 years. NBC Sports’ thoroughbred racing commentator who also covered NFL, NHL, & the Olympics.
October 24, 2021
  • Sonny Osborne – Aged 83 years. One half of bluegrass duo The Osborne Brothers, famous for 1967’s hit “Rocky Top.”
October 25, 2021
  • Willie Cobbs – Aged 89 years. American blues singer best known for his song “You Don’t Love Me”.
October 26, 2021
  • Roh Tae-woo – Aged 88 years. 6th president of South Korea.
  • Mike Lucci – Aged 81 years. Pro Bowl linebacker, NFL color commentator, part time actor and business exec.
  • Mort Sahl – Aged 94 years. Comedian, actor, and social satirist.
  • Rose Lee Maphis – Aged 98 years. Country singer credited as a pioneer of the mid 50’s Bakersfield sound.
October 27, 2021
  • Bob Ferry – Aged 84 years. Pro basketball center and GM of the Washington Bullets’ ’78 championship team.
October 28, 2021
  • Linwood Holton – Aged 98 years. Former governor of Virginia.
  • Camille Saviola – Aged 71 years. Actress and singer who played Turtle’s mom on “Entourage.”
October 29, 2021
  • Malcolm Dome – Aged 66 years. British rock journalist & author credited with coining the term “thrash metal.”
October 30, 2021
  • Jerry Remy – Aged 68 years. All-star MLB 2nd baseman, color commentator, author and restaurateur.
October 31, 2021
  • Frank Farrar – Aged 92 years. Former governor of South Dakota .

WMDeceased

in Hits & Misses by
“You want some yellacakes? I got ’em, bro.
Holla at’chyer boy.”

Colin Powell –
General, diplomat, 4-star PITA.
April 5, 1937 – October 18, 2021.
Aged 84 years.

Most recognized for: A highly-decorated war vet, he was appointed as the first black US Secretary of State under G-Dubya Bush and played a pivotal role in selling Iraq 2.0. Wagging vials of anthrax & Nigerian yellowcakes at the UN, Colin might have bought Junior enough time to handle Daddy’s unfinished business… but what multiple myeloma couldn’t kill, COVID closed the casket on.

Buried Buddy, Dead Friend

in Hits & Misses by
“You wanna borrow my wig, sugar?”
“Throw in the stuffed bra & panties
and you’re on!”

Peter Scolari & James Michael Taylor
Actors, prime-timers, TV blondes.
9/12/55–10/22/21 & 5/28/62–10/24/21
Aged 66 & 59 years

Most recognized for: Pete dressed in drag alongside a young Tom Hanks for two seasons of “Bosom Buddies,” earned an Emmy nod for “Newhart,” and a win for HBO’s “Girls.” Meanwhile, JMT played Gunther – Central Perk’s Dutch man-code-violating barista on 148 episodes of “Friends”… and didn’t do too much else, career wise. But 2 different types of the Big-C left these TV’ers R’ing in P. C’est la vie.

Die Harding

in Hits & Misses by
“How does that old drinking phrase go?
I’d rather have a bottle in front of me…
than a double mastectomy??
Wait… that’s not right.”

Sarah Harding –
Singer, actress, Aloud mouth.
November 17, 1981 – September 5, 2021
Aged 39 years.

Most recognized for: While originally spawned from some sh!tty British reality show, Girls Aloud managed to achieve legitimate success in the music biz, charting top 10 singles in the UK a record 20 consecutive times. During breaks from the Spice Girls knock-off group, Ms. Harding modeled, acted, and drew attention to herself in a number of lucrative ways. Then, she ran into a touch of titty trouble.

Selected by:Deadpool Actuary

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